Now don’t say you can’t swear off drinking; it’s easy. I’ve done it a thousand times.
W. C. FIELDSI must have a drink of breakfast.
More W. C. Fields Quotes
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If I had to live my life over, I’d live over a saloon.
W. C. FIELDS -
A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for.
W. C. FIELDS -
Trust everybody, but cut the cards yourself.
W. C. FIELDS -
I never smoked a cigar in my life until I was nine.
W. C. FIELDS -
I don’t drink water. Have you seen the way it rusts pipes?
W. C. FIELDS -
Wouldn’t it be terrible if I quoted some reliable statistics which prove that more people are driven insane through religious hysteria than by drinking alcohol.
W. C. FIELDS -
Try till you succeed, if you don’t succeed once, then destroy all evidence of the fact that you tried!
W. C. FIELDS -
I never eat before breakfast.
W. C. FIELDS -
Money will not buy happiness, but it will let you be unhappy in nice places.
W. C. FIELDS -
I never drink water. I’m afraid it will become habit-forming.
W. C. FIELDS -
Just like my Uncle Charlie used to say, just before he sprung the trap: He said, You can’t cheat and honest man! Never give a sucker an even break or smarten up a chump!
W. C. FIELDS -
I was in love with a beautiful blonde once. She drove me to drink. That’s the one thing I’m indebted to her for.
W. C. FIELDS -
Few things in life are more embarrassing than the necessity of having to inform an old friend that you have just got engaged to his fiancee.
W. C. FIELDS -
I don’t have to attend every argument I’m invited to.
W. C. FIELDS -
I only drink to steady my nerves, sometimes I’m so steady I don’t move for months.
W. C. FIELDS