I blend memories. I blend them into one that’s funny. I exaggerate to clarify.
TIM ALLENI’m a very bad student, but a great learner.
More Tim Allen Quotes
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If you don’t decide where you’re going, life will decide for you.
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My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance.
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I’m one of these guys that just spoils the environment. I like ATVs and snowmobiles. I have a motorcycle up there, and I like cruising through the hills.
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You don’t know what people are really like until they’re under a lot of stress.
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Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pickup truck, and end up with a station wagon.
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Real men don’t use instructions, son. Besides, this is just the manufacturer’s opinion on how to put this together.
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Sometimes you get the sense that the Creator is getting to that point of “Yeah, we might have to reboot.”
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Jill, we became parents so we could tell our kids what to do. Otherwise we’re just the tallest people living here.
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Why go to a church to worship God? A church is man made. God never said, “And let there be aluminum siding.” Climbing a tree to talk to God sounds like a better idea since only God can make a tree. And if that tree’s on a golf course, all the better.
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My dad’s death reminds me of earthquakes – things that shake your foundation.
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When somebody tells you they’re not very smart, they’re saying exactly the opposite.
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Anytime you work with animals, you begin to see more humanity in them.
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Nothing’s as easy as it is on a sitcom. Issues that we take care of in 20 minutes on the show can stretch out over years in real families.
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I used to live an isolated existence, even in relationships, but now my family knows me for who I really am. Mostly, that’s a good thing.
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I’ve gotten so far past the Android and iPhones that I’m back to a flip-phone. It’s funny, you can buy antique flip-phones online. A lot of us collect them. Clearly, they’re considered antiques.
TIM ALLEN






