I love women. I actually prefer girls, as a parent, because they disappoint at a different age. They go through that, “Dad’s an idiot,” which lasted a little longer than I’d like.
TIM ALLENWhy go to a church to worship God? A church is man made. God never said, “And let there be aluminum siding.” Climbing a tree to talk to God sounds like a better idea since only God can make a tree. And if that tree’s on a golf course, all the better.
More Tim Allen Quotes
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The big advantage to playing the Venetian in Las Vegas – where it’s a beautiful theater – is that unlike other places, even many other nice venues, I can do a set and lighting cues, I can put on a real show. I can dress up, wear a tux.
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When somebody tells you they’re not very smart, they’re saying exactly the opposite.
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Can we take a direct flight back to reality or do we have to change planes in Denver?
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I’m a creative guy, artistically with graphics.
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In marriage, compromise nurtures the relationship.
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Being wealthy when no one else is, is like being the only one at the party with a drink.
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I’m sad for adults who want to be children. And children who want to be adults.
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Be wary of listening to stories secondhand.
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I love doing logos. I’ve been a graphic artist all my life.
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All men like to think that they can do it alone, but a real man knows that there no substitute for support , encouragement or a pit crew.
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While awaiting sentencing, I decided to give stand-up comedy a shot. The judge had suggested I get my act together, and I took him seriously.
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Man is the only animal to borrow tools.
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Kids learn by example. If I respect Mom, they’re going to respect Mom.
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Dogs will eat till they die. Cats will leave food in the dish, incomprehensible to a dog.
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Electricity can be dangerous. My nephew tried to stick a penny into a plug. Whoever said a penny doesn’t go far didn’t see him shoot across that floor. I told him he was grounded.
TIM ALLEN