The big advantage to playing the Venetian in Las Vegas – where it’s a beautiful theater – is that unlike other places, even many other nice venues, I can do a set and lighting cues, I can put on a real show. I can dress up, wear a tux.
TIM ALLENI was gone so much in my first marriage. I love the moments when I engage with my youngest daughter now. It’s not my thing to sit on the ground and play tea party, but I’ll do it because it’s a moment that will stick with me forever.
More Tim Allen Quotes
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Men are pigs. Too bad we own everything.
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Men often do things for women that they don’t want to do, so that women will do things for men that they don’t want to do.
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If it ain’t broke, you can probably still fix it.
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My comedy is not mine. It’s a gift. I’m not that smart.
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I’m sad for adults who want to be children. And children who want to be adults.
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Jill, we became parents so we could tell our kids what to do. Otherwise we’re just the tallest people living here.
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I had a very easy time loving an audience. But when it’s one-on-one with somebody, all I wanted to do was run away, because maybe they’re going to want something from me I can’t give, or they’re going to hurt me.
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When somebody tells you they’re not very smart, they’re saying exactly the opposite.
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Use a screwdriver instead of a hammer. Try to untighten the nut with your hand. Utilize the path of least resistance first.
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Women are brilliant. Every woman knows how to do the weirdest thing right out of the bucket. Every woman knows how to do that Hindu head wrap with the towel out of the shower. Ever try to do that? You look like a drunk Iraqi soldier.
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Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pickup truck, and end up with a station wagon.
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Being wealthy when no one else is, is like being the only one at the party with a drink.
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I don’t understand why it has to be either – or – either socialism or democracy. Why can’t we combine things to get the best of each system?
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I think women like Ferraris. A Ferrari is everybody’s car.
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I wonder if to stare into the face of God will drive me crazy. (I wonder who would blink first.)
TIM ALLEN