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I should have done better, but it was just a very ugly and weird game… I knew the game was going to be an ugly game when I saw those three guys at the scorer’s table. Ugly people call ugly games.

Shaquille O'Neal

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I failed, I think, seven [or] eight times before I finally got my first [championship]. It was just, you know, just about me growing up.
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I’m a combination of the Terminator and Bambi.
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I’m ready to go. As big men in the league, there are two who have done something special during this millennium. I’m one and Tim Duncan is the other.
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Yeah, D-Wade called me up last night and said that he saw some film of me in high school and thinks that my form then was better and that I should shoot like that.
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If you take a needle and stick her in the booty and take a needle and stick me in the booty, we’re both going to say ouch.
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I think I’m the only player who looks at each and every center and says to myself, ‘That’s barbecued chicken down there.’
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I had an awful first quarter but I picked it up. To all you single guys out there, it’s not how you start the date, it’s how you finish it sir.
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And I want to do it the right way, like everybody else, not just a famous figurehead that gets a job because he is a famous basketball player. I want to really learn the business.
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They shot the ball well early. What comes out of the microwave hot doesn’t always stay hot. I know, because I eat bagels in the morning.
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I don’t know how it is for you earthlings, but where I’m from, strength is mental.
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They asked me when I was out there, ‘Why do you want to be traded?’ I said me staying here is like divorcing my wife and marrying someone who looks like me. That’s backwards, man.
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I just want everyone to know I’m suing Ruben Studdard. He had his hand on my ass and he wouldn’t let go.
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It’s sort of like in the movie The Karate Kid when Daniel said he needed Mr. Miyagi. And Mr. Miyagi gave him that confidence to believe he really didn’t. These guys think they really need me right now, but they don’t.
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That was a foul, young lady. You know that was a foul. Don’t ask dumb questions.
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Ask Basketball Dumb Foul Know Lady Question
I am Superman. And the only thing that can kill Superman is Kryptonite. And Kryptonite doesn’t exist.
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Once you learn how to do something, you don’t lose it. Unless you die.
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