“There’s no answer for my offense, just like the polythagorean theorem.”

I urge all children to listen to their mothers and fathers. My mom was helping out some kids and she didn’t want to call me for all of the money; she only wanted to take care of some of the kids.

There is no answer to the Pythagorean theorem. Well, there is an answer, but by the time you figure it out, I got 40 points, 10 rebounds and then we’re planning for the parade.

I’m going back to the old Shaq. I was normal last year – I was an earthling last summer. I had to go back to my alien roots.

I’m always ready for a change. I’m Irish. I’m a leprechaun.

It’s LeBron’s team. He’s the captain. This is the time in my career where I can fit in. I’m now in the security business. My job is to protect the King, and that’s what I’m here to do.

As a basketball fan, I get sick and tired of people talking about numbers. To me, the world is getting too materialistic.

I had an awful first quarter but I picked it up. To all you single guys out there, it’s not how you start the date, it’s how you finish it sir.

This summer is going to be a different summer for a lot of people. Everyone is going to take care of their own business and everyone is going to do what’s best for them, including me.

I just said to myself, ‘Damn, I’m a great player.’

If you don’t stick to simplicity, you’ll die a horrible death.

I never make a face when they try to flagrant or hack-a-Shaq me, because I’m not from this planet. Earthlings don’t faze me.

I came here with the perfect chemist’s perception. The formula they had was perfect and any added ingredient could make it go bad or worse.

Keep in mind, I’m not allowed to be tough. I’m tamed.

Stay out of the gentlemen’s clubs. Get a lot of rest. Just have fun and relax and stay focused.

I know how to turn the bad into good always.

If I was able to have the game I have and shoot 80% from the line, I’d probably be an arrogant person rather than a humble one.

I like to serve chocolate cake, because it doesn’t show the dirt.

…I told him a story of two people. Two people who shouldn’t have met, and who didn’t like each other much when they did, but who found they were the only two people in the world who could possibly have understood each other.

Therapists need to have a long experience in personal therapy to see what it’s like to be on the other side of the couch and see what they find helpful or not helpful. And if possible, get into therapy at different stages of their life with different kinds of therapists just to sample a bit.

When it comes to reflexes, i’m like a cat. I’m catwoman. I’m invulnerable. The only reason he got a piece of me is because of the rain. Cats don’t like water. It impairs us. It’s our kryptonite.

Open to everyone, regardless of where they come from, what they look like, how they worship or who they love.

Like the measles, love is most dangerous when it comes late in life.

Are not laws dangerous which inhibit the passions? Compare the centuries of anarchy with those of the strongest legalism in any country you like and you will see that it is only when the laws are silent that the greatest actions appear.

An Experiment, like every other event which takes place, is a natural phenomenon; but in a Scientific Experiment the circumstances are so arranged that the relations between a particular set of phenomena may be studied to the best advantage.