I go to more open mic nights than open mikers.
RON WHITEMy brain is like a cross between a colander and a Lazy Susan – thin, slow, and it leaks.
More Ron White Quotes
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It went from Bob Newhart to Flip Wilson to Bill Cosby to Richard Pryor to George Carlin to Cheech and Chong. I had all these records.
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I always wanted to be a popular comedian.
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My biggest pet peeve, I guess, is other comedians criticizing Larry the Cable Guy.
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I’ve never been one to look up the ladder. I’ve always looked down the ladder. As long as there’s one guy down there, I’m fine.
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Other states are trying to abolish the death penalty… mine’s putting in an express lane.
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But I work harder now because I have so much more exposure. And actually the harder you work as a writer, the better you get at it. It’s like anything else. It’s a muscle you have to exercise. I write more now than ever.
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People, when they go on stage, tend to be animated and try to force things out instead of relaxing and bringing it in.
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The first thing I ever got my hands on was Andy Griffith’s ‘What It Was, Was Football.’ I was fascinated with the fact that every syllable made it funny, and I would laugh even though I didn’t know what any of it meant.
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There were years when I was a beer and tequila guy, then I got real fat. And then I found that you could actually go on a diet and drink scotch. Then I got hooked on scotch, and if you get hooked on scotch, then everything else just tastes wrong.
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Any time someone achieves success before they’ve earned it, it always comes back to haunt them.
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I want my fans to feel like we’re always in touch. Because without ’em, I wouldn’t be able to do any of this.
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All of my comedian friends are some of the best joke writers in the world.
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If I see someone out there mouthing the words to a bit, I’m not having fun.
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I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade… And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.
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I’ve been married a few times. I’m not good at it.
RON WHITE