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I’ve been married a few times. I’m not good at it.

Ron White

I was a little one-trick pony. I do what I’ve always done. That’s really where my best stuff comes from. I don’t know how it happens. It just happens.
RON WHITE

Always Best Done Happen Little One Pony Stuff Trick
I was a huge fan of comedy when I was a child.
RON WHITE

Child Comedy Fan Huge
I write all of my material. It’s all me.
RON WHITE

All Material Me Write
If you look at the common denominator of all the comics who have had big success, it’s being true to their nature… that’s what takes a long time to learn.
RON WHITE

Big Comic Common Denominator Long Look Nature Success True
I would have rather been beat by a plumber than Kathy Griffin.
RON WHITE

Beat People Plumber Rather Would
You wanna get the truth out of me, get me hammered.
RON WHITE

Go Hammer Me Out Truth
I want my fans to feel like we’re always in touch. Because without ’em, I wouldn’t be able to do any of this.
RON WHITE

Able Any Fan Feel Like Touch Want
It went from Bob Newhart to Flip Wilson to Bill Cosby to Richard Pryor to George Carlin to Cheech and Chong. I had all these records.
RON WHITE

All Record Country Flip Had People Went
I go to more open mic nights than open mikers.
RON WHITE

Mic Milker More Night Open
That’s the beauty of being a straight-to-DVD star. It really helps you stay under the media’s radar.
RON WHITE

Beauty Being Help Media Radar Really Star Stay Straight Under
You can teach somebody how to be a brain surgeon, but you cannot teach them how to walk on a stage and make people laugh.
RON WHITE

Brain Laugh People Somebody Stage Surgeon Teach Walk
If I’m not in the theatre, I’m in an open mic night or doing a guest set at the Comedy Club, or whatever, just trying to develop stuff.
RON WHITE

Club Comedy Devote Doing Guest Mic Open Stuff Theatre Try
My brain is like a cross between a colander and a Lazy Susan – thin, slow, and it leaks.
RON WHITE

Between Brain Colander Cross Leak Slow
My opening acts are always really strong because I need a guy who can take on a big, big crowd. Which is not that easy to do.
RON WHITE

Act Always Big Crowd Do Easy Open Strong To
My biggest pet peeve, I guess, is other comedians criticizing Larry the Cable Guy.
RON WHITE

Biggest Cable Comedian Criticise Guy Other Peeve Pet
I’ve got a role in the new Billy Bob Thornton movie that Billy Bob wrote and is going to direct called ‘Jayne Mansfield’s Car.’ I only have four scenes, but I have as much dialogue as anybody in the movie.
RON WHITE

Call Direct Go Movie New Only People Role Wrote

I’ve been married a few times. I’m not good at it.

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I’ve been married a few times. I’m not good at it.

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