Donald Trump – and I don’t dislike Donald one single bit – has no idea how good the Mexican people are at building tunnels.
RON WHITEI don’t know who in my family thinks very fast at all, including me. The things that people see me do onstage are written, so it doesn’t have to be very quick if you have all day with a pen.
More Ron White Quotes
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That’s the beauty of being a straight-to-DVD star. It really helps you stay under the media’s radar.
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You can teach somebody how to be a brain surgeon, but you cannot teach them how to walk on a stage and make people laugh.
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You can’t fix stupid.
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The next time you have a thought… let it go.
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If you become famous and don’t have a live show to back it up, they’re not going to pay you any money.
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My goal is just to become a better comedian.
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My opening acts are always really strong because I need a guy who can take on a big, big crowd. Which is not that easy to do.
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I don’t do talk shows or go on Dr. Phil’s show. He’s a friend of mine, and, no, he doesn’t give me any advice. He doesn’t give solicited advice.
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I’ve gathered some of my close musical and comedian friends, and we’re going to see if we can’t bring a few laughs to these soldiers, raise some money, and hopefully lift their spirits.
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My shows are not all-the-way filthy, but they can be.
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The way my brain processes information is quite odd. I mean, I have Attention Deficit Disorder and another learning disability I can’t even spell. I don’t even have a high school diploma. I’m smart, but you can’t prove it on paper.
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Everybody I know is a joke writer.
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I was desperate for new material, so anything I can write a joke about that works is in the act. No matter who it offends, or who it bothers – doesn’t matter if its something my wife hates.
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I love Cincinnati, but you can keep that spaghetti chili product!
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I don’t think we have a surplus of fine educators in this country that we can just start dropping them for no reason whatsoever.
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