You can’t fix stupid.
RON WHITEThere’s not a pill you can take; there’s not a class you can go to. Stupid is forever.
More Ron White Quotes
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There have been times when I played more than others, but I’ve been a road comic for a quarter of a century, so I’ve always played golf on the road because you have a lot of time to kill.
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I could do no wrong in my mother’s eyes from the day I was born. My fans bought her a very nice house in San Antonio, and she has a great life.
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I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade… And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.
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I loved listening to laughter even as a little kid.
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My brain is like a cross between a colander and a Lazy Susan – thin, slow, and it leaks.
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I believe that a bad Super Bowl halftime show is still better than a soccer game.
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Donald Trump – and I don’t dislike Donald one single bit – has no idea how good the Mexican people are at building tunnels.
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We always go out looking for live music after our shows.
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My show is more storytelling now than it’s ever been. It’s what I’m good at.
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I don’t think we have a surplus of fine educators in this country that we can just start dropping them for no reason whatsoever.
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You know, my first album, some of those jokes I’d done for twelve years because I couldn’t throw ’em out.
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If you watch the ‘Blue Collar Comedy Tour,’ don’t expect that when you come see me by myself, ’cause it’s a little rougher.
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Comedy is all about the pause.
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The first thing I ever got my hands on was Andy Griffith’s ‘What It Was, Was Football.’ I was fascinated with the fact that every syllable made it funny, and I would laugh even though I didn’t know what any of it meant.
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My shows are not all-the-way filthy, but they can be.
RON WHITE