I would have rather been beat by a plumber than Kathy Griffin.
RON WHITEThe only way to stay sharp is to do live shows. There is no part-time comedy.
More Ron White Quotes
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I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade… And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.
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The way my brain processes information is quite odd. I mean, I have Attention Deficit Disorder and another learning disability I can’t even spell. I don’t even have a high school diploma. I’m smart, but you can’t prove it on paper.
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I don’t think we have a surplus of fine educators in this country that we can just start dropping them for no reason whatsoever.
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Here’s how I operate. When I see something I like, 20 years later, I ask her brother for her phone number. She don’t even see me coming.
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My show is more storytelling now than it’s ever been. It’s what I’m good at.
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There’s not a pill you can take; there’s not a class you can go to. Stupid is forever.
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Comedy is great because there’s no overhead.
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Somebody the other day had a review, called me ‘America’s reprobate.’ And I don’t even know what that means, but I kinda like the way it sounds.
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I have a very fun life. I don’t recommend it for anybody else, but it sure has been fun for me.
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I write all of my material. It’s all me.
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When I was 20, I used to go around telling stories, and I knew where I was comfortable – onstage, talking, making ’em laugh and listen to the weirdest things. I liked being the center of attention.
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I’m not willing to drag my fans down a road I don’t believe in. That’s just my one little principle. I’ve only got one, and that’s it.
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Television is 15 hour days. Movies are 18 hour days. And it’s 18 hours of doing not a thing.
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I was considered by my peers to be a good comedian. So that’s all I ever strived to do was get some recognition from my peers.
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If I sit down to write a joke about, whatever, the polluted Gulf of Mexico, it comes out mundane to me.
RON WHITE