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When in doubt, go for the dick joke.

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Marilyn Monroe Paulo Coelho Abraham Lincoln C. S. Lewis Khalil Gibran Charlie Chaplin Gautama Buddha Isaac Newton

You need a touch of madness, just enough that you don’t become stupid!
ROBIN WILLIAMS

Enough Madness Stupid Touch
Being a functioning alcoholic is kind of like being a paraplegic lap dancer: You can do it, just not as well as the others, really.
ROBIN WILLIAMS

Alcohol Dance
Don’t mess with me, man, I’m a lawyer!
ROBIN WILLIAMS

Lawyer Man Mess
What’s right is what’s left if you do everything else wrong.
ROBIN WILLIAMS

Inspirational Right Wrong
Self-reliance is the key to a vigorous life. A man must look inward to find his own answers.
ROBIN WILLIAMS

Finding Key Life Man Self Reliance Vigour
I was an only child. I did have kind of like a lonely existence.
ROBIN WILLIAMS

Children Existence Loneliness
Reality is just a crutch for people who can’t cope with drugs.
ROBIN WILLIAMS

Cope Drug People Reality
Good people end up in Hell because they can’t forgive themselves.
ROBIN WILLIAMS

Ending Forgiveness Goodness Hell People
Sucking the marrow out of life doesn’t mean choking on the bone.
ROBIN WILLIAMS

Bone Life Suck
Never pick a fight with an ugly person, they’ve got nothing to lose.
ROBIN WILLIAMS

Fight Funny Lose Person Ugly
My children give me a great sense of wonder. Just to see them develop into these extraordinary human beings.
ROBIN WILLIAMS

Children Development-q Extraordinary Greatness Human Sense Wonder
After I quit drinking, I realized I am the same asshole I always was; I just have fewer dents in my car.
ROBIN WILLIAMS

Alcohol Asshole Car Quit Realize
I do believe in love; it’s wonderful – especially love third time around, it’s even more precious; it’s kind of amazing.
ROBIN WILLIAMS

Amazing Believe Especially Love Precious Wonderful
You know the difference between a tornado and divorce in the south? Nothing! Someone is losing a trailer.
ROBIN WILLIAMS

Difference Divorce Funny Trailor
Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet.
ROBIN WILLIAMS

Divorce Humour Man Wallet
Comedy is acting out optimism.
ROBIN WILLIAMS

Acting Comedy One Liner Optimism

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