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When in doubt, go for the dick joke.

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If we’re going to fight a disease, let’s fight one of the most terrible diseases of all, indifference.
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Covid-19 Difference Disease Fight Terrible
Good people end up in Hell because they can’t forgive themselves.
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Ending Forgiveness Goodness Hell People
Being a functioning alcoholic is kind of like being a paraplegic lap dancer: You can do it, just not as well as the others, really.
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Sometimes you got to specifically go out of your way to get into trouble. It’s called fun.
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My children give me a great sense of wonder. Just to see them develop into these extraordinary human beings.
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Please, don’t worry so much. Because in the end, none of us have very long on this Earth. Life is fleeting.
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Earth Ending Inspirational Life Philosophy Worry
We used to be hunter-gatherers, now we’re shopper-borrowers.
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Borrow Hunter Used
When I was little, my mother was funny with me, and I started to be charming and funny for her, and I learned that by being entertaining, you make a connection with another person.
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Care Charm Connection Funny Learning Mother
Some are born great. Some achieve greatness. Some get it as a graduation gift.
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Achievement Born Gift. Gradutation Greatness Inspirational
You know the difference between a tornado and divorce in the south? Nothing! Someone is losing a trailer.
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Difference Divorce Funny Trailor
We don’t read and write poetry because it’s cute. We read and write poetry because we are members of the human race.
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Human Member Poetry Race Reading Writing
All you have to do is think one happy thought, and you’ll fly like me.
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Fly Happiness Positive Thinking
Make your life spectacular, I know I did.
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Believe Entrepreneur Inspirational Life Spectacular
If it’s the Psychic Network why do they need a phone number?
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Funny Network Number Phone Psychics
Don’t mess with me, man, I’m a lawyer!
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Lawyer Man Mess
What some folks call impossible is just stuff they haven’t seen before.
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