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When in doubt, go for the dick joke.

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When I was little, my mother was funny with me, and I started to be charming and funny for her, and I learned that by being entertaining, you make a connection with another person.
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Care Charm Connection Funny Learning Mother
There’s a world out there. Open a window, and it’s there.
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Healing Inspirational Window
A woman would never make a nuclear bomb. They would never make a weapon that kills, no, no. They’d make a weapon that makes you feel bad for a while.
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After I quit drinking, I realized I am the same asshole I always was; I just have fewer dents in my car.
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Alcohol Asshole Car Quit Realize
All you have to do is think one happy thought, and you’ll fly like me.
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You know what music is? God’s little reminder that there’s something else besides us in this universe; harmonic connection between all living beings, every where, even the stars.
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Connection God Live Music Reminder Stars Universe
Canada is like a loft apartment over a really great party.
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Apartment Country Party
Gentlemen, haven’t we learned anything from the music of John Lennon? All we need is love.
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Gentlemen Learning Love Music
Seize the day. Make your life extraordinary.
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Entrepreneur Extraordinary Inspirational Morning Positive
Cocaine is God’s way of telling you you are making too much money.
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Drug God Humour Money
Reality is just a crutch for people who can’t cope with drugs.
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Cope Drug People Reality
Reality: What a concept!
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Concept Life One Liner Reality
Good people end up in Hell because they can’t forgive themselves.
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Ending Forgiveness Goodness Hell People
You will have bad times, but they will always wake you up to the stuff you weren’t paying attention to.
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Attention Business Hard Time Inspirational Pay Stuff Wake Up
Politics is so personal, vicious and immediate, how are you going to get anything done? Even the local politics where I live have gotten so ugly.
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Done Immediate Live Personal Politics Ugly
The Second Amendment says we have the right to bear arms, not to bear artillery.
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