Humorous Quotes

Even more exasperating than the guy who thinks he knows it all is the one who really does.

Boys will be boys, and so will a lot of middle-aged men.

Take motherhood: nobody ever thought of putting it on a moral pedestal until some brash feminists pointed out, about a century ago, that the pay is lousy and the career ladder nonexistent.

Time is a circus, always packing up and moving away.

There are many in this old world of ours who hold that things break about even for all of us. I have observed, for example, that we all get the same amount of ice. The rich get it in the summertime and the poor get it in the winter.

It’s weird that people expect me to be funny. I find it a real burden when I’m expected to be humorous on talk shows.

I married a German. Every night I dress up as Poland and he invades me.

I’ve always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.

Well, the way things are going, aside from wheat and auto parts, America’s biggest export is now the Oscar.

It’s very frustrating making a picture in Paris. We work hard all day at the studio to get a love scene just right. Then, on my way home, I see couples on every street corner doing it better.