“It’s weird that people expect me to be funny. I find it a real burden when I’m expected to be humorous on talk shows.”

Moisture is the essence of wetness, and wetness is the essence of beauty.

And I was like, “Yeah, anything. Twenty-four hours times five is 120 hours. Oh, great, I’ll fill 120 hours of my life with something.” So I did that and it was fun, and then I did Flirting with Disaster.

I don’t think know if anything’s going to translate anywhere. You’re making a movie, you hope it’s going to be funny, you can’t think about how it’s going to go over.

Words can only hurt you if you try to read them. Don’t play their game!

I grew up wanting to make movies, and along the way I suddenly found that I had a career doing comedy.

Maybe forced retirement isn’t necessary after all.

I studied Tom Cruise running in all the Mission Impossibles. I think he’s one of the best screen runners.

The cliches are that it’s the most generic Starsky and Hutch plot you can find.

My own parents were touchy-feely.

People like to define you through what they’ve seen you do. There are aspects of my personality, I guess, that come through on-screen, but I don’t sit around thinking, ‘I’ve been a bumbling suitor all my life.’

As a kid I had dreams about being successful, thinking it would be cool. Then, when I was in my 20s, I really thought I had it much more figured out than I do now.

There’s always an element of fear that you need to work a lot until people get sick and tired of you or finally figure out that you’re a fraud after all!

I’m Jewish, but my mom’s Catholic, so the guilt area is covered. I have the highest expectations, along with the lowest. I tried to put as much of myself as possible in Reality Bites, but in terms of my humor, I’m still trying to figure out what my sensibility is. It’s a process, really.

I’m always willing to endure humiliation on behalf of my characters.

I know that I’m better as an actor when I’m working with a good actor. I think anytime you’re working with a better actor, it makes you a better actor.

I would like to do more dramas when I find a good role that will allow me to politely upset people’s expectations of me as a comic actor.

The only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets.

Even more exasperating than the guy who thinks he knows it all is the one who really does.

You can only drink 30 or 40 glasses of beer a day.

A bargain is something you don’t need at a price you can’t resist.

Give a small boy a hammer and he will find that everything he encounters needs pounding.

Gimme a pigfoot and a bottle of beer.

Women who miscalculate are called mothers.

Though philosophers like to define poetry as irrational fancy, for us it is practical, humorous, reasonable way of being ourselves.