Humor Quotes

An assorted collection of quotes on Humor with high quality images that will help you to relate with the right words. Quotes are the rythmical creation of words. Download and share this collection of Humor quotes with your firiends, family and loved ones on social media platforms.

That’s the problem with drinking, I thought, as I poured myself a drink. If something bad happens you drink in an attempt to forget; if something good happens you drink in order to celebrate; and if nothing happens you drink to make something happen.
CHARLES BUKOWSKI

Alcohol Celebration Drink Funny Humor Sarcastic
If something is going to happen to me, I want to be there.
ALBERT CAMUS

Fiction Happen Humor
Sometimes you climb out of bed in the morning and you think, I’m not going to make it, but you laugh inside – remembering all the times you’ve felt that way.
CHARLES BUKOWSKI

Bed Climb Humor Inside Laugh Morning Time
Some people never go crazy. What truly horrible lives they must lead.
CHARLES BUKOWSKI

Crazy Horrible Humor Live People
The common argument that crime is caused by poverty is a kind of slander on the poor.
H. L. MENCKEN

Argument Crime Funny Humor Kind Poor
My dog of 17 years just died. Oh you’re kidding?… Noooo… as funny as that is, I’m not
ELLEN DEGENERES

Dog Funny Humor
Just because you do not take an interest in politics doesn’t mean politics won’t take an interest in you.
PERICLES

Humor Interest Politics
Just as true humor is laughter at oneself, true humanity is knowledge of oneself.
ALAN WATTS

Humanity Humor Knowledge Laugh Oneself
I saw this wino, he was eating grapes. I was like, “Dude, you have to wait”.
MITCH HEDBERG

Alcohol Funny Humor Wait Wine
A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers, looks around for a coffin.
H. L. MENCKEN

Death Flower Funny Humor
I sometimes wish that people would put a little more emphasis upon the observance of the law than they do upon its enforcement.
CALVIN COOLIDGE

Funny Humor Law Myself People
Living at risk is jumping off the cliff and building your wings on the way down.
RAY BRADBURY

Build Courage Greatness Humor Inspirational Live Risk Way Wings Yourself
A good since of humor and someone who is loyal and cute-I like cute girls.
HARRY STYLES

Cute Girl Humor Loyalty
Say yes to everything. ‘You want me to buy you some food?’ Yes. ‘You want me to buy you a car?’ Yes.
CARDI B

Buy Car Food Humor Sarcastic
Lord, give me a sense of humor so that I may take some happiness from this life and share it with others.
THOMAS MORE

Happiness Humor Life Share
Men tend to lie when it comes to sexual conquests. You should hear some of the ego-driven lies my friends have told me: ‘Swear to God, man – the hooker gave the money back.’
ADAM FERRARA

Come Conquest Driven Ego Funny Humor Lie Lying Sexual Tend
People have lost their sense of humor. In former times, we constantly made jokes about different races.
CLINT EASTWOOD

Different Humor People Race
I don’t own a cell phone or a pager. I just hang around everyone I know, all the time. If someone wants to get a hold of me, they just say ‘Mitch,’ and I say ‘what?’ and turn my head slightly.
MITCH HEDBERG

Funny Humor Phone
I am not a glutton – I am an explorer of food.
ERMA BOMBECK

Exploration Food Funny Humor Myself
I love my fed-ex guy cause he’s a drug dealer and he don’t even know it…and he’s always on time.
MITCH HEDBERG

Funny Humor Love
The biggest thing in my life right now is my girlfriend. I love this girl. I know I love her because she told me.
ADAM FERRARA

Biggest Funny Girl Girlfriend Humor Life Love Now Right Thing
Three minutes thought would suffice to find this out; but thought is irksome and three minutes is a long time.
A. E. HOUSMAN

Free Funny Humor Ignorance Irksome Object Plan Time
When you open the elevator on the top floor of a building and the other guy doesn’t get out, something is seriously wrong.
MITCH HEDBERG

Funny Guy Humor Serious Wrong
I like the public hot-tub at the hotels. I like when a guy is already in there, I say, “Hey, do you mind if I join you?” Then I go turn the heat up, and I add some carrots and onions.
MITCH HEDBERG

Funny Guy Humor
I like cottage cheese. That’s why I want to try other dwelling cheeses, too. How about studio apartment cheese? Tent cheese? Mobile home cheese? Do not eat mobile home cheese in a tornado.
MITCH HEDBERG

Food Funny Home Humor
Total absence of humor makes life a total drudgery.
DINESH THAKUR

Absence Drudgery Humor
You gotta fight. You gotta get out the negative energy. Don’t let it build up. You end up screaming at each other over something totally stupid, like, ‘Well, why’d you put this spoon in this drawer then?’ ‘
ADAM FERRARA

Build End Energy Fight Funny Humor Negative Screaming Stupid Up

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