Billy Connolly Quotes

People who are willing to get off their arse to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.

BILLY CONNOLLY

People who are willing to get off their arse to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Arses Channel Rooms
Wisdom isn’t an old guy on top of a mountain in a loin cloth. It isn’t an answer. It’s a question.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Answers
I used to have Mad Cow’s disease, but I’m alright Nooooooooow.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Alright Humorous Mad
So, have you heard about the oyster who went to a disco and pulled a mussel?

BILLY CONNOLLY

So, have you heard about the oyster who went to a disco and pulled a mussel?
BILLY CONNOLLY

Sexy
Never run with scissors or other pointy objects.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Objects Running Scissors
Oh aye…my Father would thrash me every now and then. He’d talk while he did it too! He’d hit me and shout, ‘Have ye had enough?’ Had enough? Whit kind of question is that? ‘Why, Father, would another kick in the balls be out of the question???’
BILLY CONNOLLY

Balls Shout
I’ve always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Humorous Witty
It seems to me that Islam and Christianity and Judaism all have the same god, and he’s telling them all different things.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Christianity Thing
Outgrew the media… The negativity felt like a disease.

BILLY CONNOLLY

Outgrew the media… The negativity felt like a disease.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Media
Tread gently on anyone who looks at you sideways.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Gently Looks Sideway Tread

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