I always told everybody the perfect joke would be where the setup and punch line were identical.
NORM MACDONALDI generally have a real strong idea or a strong punchline, and I just try to get to it by rambling around, as I don’t like to memorize words.
More Norm MacDonald Quotes
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When people told the audience that [Sam Kinison] was good, he was accepted after that.
NORM MACDONALD -
There are two indiscretions that generally distinguish fools: a readiness to report whatever they hear, and a practice of communicating with secrecy what is commonly understood.
NORM MACDONALD -
A lot of writers come from Harvard and such, and are rich, and they write under the misapprehension that poor people are stupid. So when they do write them, they are hillbillies or rednecks or Christian idiots.
NORM MACDONALD -
Back in the old days, a man could just get sick and die. Now they have to wage a battle. So my Uncle Bert is waging a courageous battle, which I’ve seen, because I go and visit him. And this is the battle: he’s lying in the hospital bed, with a thing in his arm, watching Matlock on the TV.
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Many frequently change their principles, but seldom their practices.
NORM MACDONALD -
Reason is always weak where prejudice is strong.
NORM MACDONALD -
In math, you could get 100 percent. It was very fair. That’s what I liked about math. You could figure it out, and the teacher couldn’t have a stupid opinion about it.
NORM MACDONALD -
I don’t care for sex. I find it an embarrassing, dull exercise. I prefer sports, where you can win.
NORM MACDONALD -
Envy, like a false mirror, distorts the symmetry of the sweetest form.
NORM MACDONALD -
It is necessary to be tolerant, in order to be tolerated.
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If you desire praise or esteem, endeavor to merit it.
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Ever see this? It’s a homeless guy but he’s got a dog… The dog’s really thrilled with this idea. The dog’s going, Hey pal, I can do this by myself pretty well. The longest walk in the world you got me on here.
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The young compliment their greatness on the number of their friends; the old, on the confidence of them.
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The joy a person is usually seen to express at the conversion of another to his opinion is seldom more than the impulse of egotistical satisfaction at being considered worthy of didactic imitation.
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Imprudent restrictions often force youth farther than enticement would carry them; and careless limitation is frequently worse than no injunction.
NORM MACDONALD