Back in the old days, a man could just get sick and die. Now they have to wage a battle. So my Uncle Bert is waging a courageous battle, which I’ve seen, because I go and visit him. And this is the battle: he’s lying in the hospital bed, with a thing in his arm, watching Matlock on the TV.
NORM MACDONALDThere are two things which a man should scrupulously avoid: giving advice that he would not follow, and asking advice when he is determined to pursue his own opinion.
More Norm MacDonald Quotes
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In math, you could get 100 percent. It was very fair. That’s what I liked about math. You could figure it out, and the teacher couldn’t have a stupid opinion about it.
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I think clever people think that poor people are stupid.
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The first principle of solid wisdom is discretion, without it all the erudition of life is merely bagatelle.
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The beginning of wisdom is the knowledge of folly.
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Flattery succeeds best on minds previously occupied by conceit.
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Instead of loving your enemies, have no enemies to love.
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Yeah man, they call gambling a disease, but it’s the only disease where you can win a bunch of money.
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Ignorance is better than knowledge misapplied.
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Imprudent restrictions often force youth farther than enticement would carry them; and careless limitation is frequently worse than no injunction.
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In love, we are best pleased when we please others.
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If you desire praise or esteem, endeavor to merit it.
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I always told everybody the perfect joke would be where the setup and punch line were identical.
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In estimating the adversities of life, we would seldom have much reason to complain of the evils we suffer, did we understand the dangers we daily escape.
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Comedy is surprises, so if you’re intending to make somebody laugh and they don’t laugh, that’s funny.
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Reason is always weak where prejudice is strong.
NORM MACDONALD