All my life’s about is cracking up people and them cracking me up and trying not to think about dying. That doesn’t cost very much money.
NORM MACDONALDThere are two things which a man should scrupulously avoid: giving advice that he would not follow, and asking advice when he is determined to pursue his own opinion.
More Norm MacDonald Quotes
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During misfortunes, nothing aggravates our condition more, than to be esteemed deserving of them.
NORM MACDONALD -
Ever see this? It’s a homeless guy but he’s got a dog… The dog’s really thrilled with this idea. The dog’s going, Hey pal, I can do this by myself pretty well. The longest walk in the world you got me on here.
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In estimating the adversities of life, we would seldom have much reason to complain of the evils we suffer, did we understand the dangers we daily escape.
NORM MACDONALD -
I want you to buy this pit bull. This will protect your valuables.’ I don’t own anything very valuable. If I buy the pit bull, that would be the most valuable thing I own. I’d have to buy something to protect it then.
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He that searches for praise will often find contempt.
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Envy, like a false mirror, distorts the symmetry of the sweetest form.
NORM MACDONALD -
You ever be having a really good dream, and then, uh- right in the middle of the dream you wake up, right in the best part of the dream? And there you are, back in your stinkin’ life again? Man, that’s rough, eh?
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Ignorance is better than knowledge misapplied.
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I always told everybody the perfect joke would be where the setup and punch line were identical.
NORM MACDONALD -
A lot of writers come from Harvard and such, and are rich, and they write under the misapprehension that poor people are stupid. So when they do write them, they are hillbillies or rednecks or Christian idiots.
NORM MACDONALD -
Liberty, like health, appears most precious when lost.
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With the ambitious, the failure of one expedient is the suggestion of another; but with the irresolute, defeat usually occasions abandonment of purpose.
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Yeah man, they call gambling a disease, but it’s the only disease where you can win a bunch of money.
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Imprudent restrictions often force youth farther than enticement would carry them; and careless limitation is frequently worse than no injunction.
NORM MACDONALD -
When people told the audience that [Sam Kinison] was good, he was accepted after that.
NORM MACDONALD