I don’t really like politics that much. And I like the order and simplicity of sports. They have an ending. You can argue with your friends about it, but in the end you still like sports. I almost love the fantasy world of sports more than the real world.
NORM MACDONALDThere are two things which a man should scrupulously avoid: giving advice that he would not follow, and asking advice when he is determined to pursue his own opinion.
More Norm MacDonald Quotes
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I always told everybody the perfect joke would be where the setup and punch line were identical.
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We often suffer more from our fears, than from the dangers of our situation.
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When people told the audience that [Sam Kinison] was good, he was accepted after that.
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I can’t be naturalistic enough to make it sound real. So instead, I just wander around aimlessly knowing that I’ll be funny enough with stream of consciousness until I get to the actual explosively funny part.
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In math, you could get 100 percent. It was very fair. That’s what I liked about math. You could figure it out, and the teacher couldn’t have a stupid opinion about it.
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If you desire praise or esteem, endeavor to merit it.
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Envy, like a false mirror, distorts the symmetry of the sweetest form.
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Violent people usually express their love of a thing by their hatred of its opposite.
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Comedy is surprises, so if you’re intending to make somebody laugh and they don’t laugh, that’s funny.
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A readiness to excuse some faults, shows a disposition to commit others.
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The most frequent cause of regret for what we have done is because its effects interfere with what we would do.
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You can’t love your team without hating another team.
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In estimating the adversities of life, we would seldom have much reason to complain of the evils we suffer, did we understand the dangers we daily escape.
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Instead of loving your enemies, have no enemies to love.
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A lot of writers come from Harvard and such, and are rich, and they write under the misapprehension that poor people are stupid. So when they do write them, they are hillbillies or rednecks or Christian idiots.
NORM MACDONALD