We are all in this together, by ourselves.
LILY TOMLINI guess if people couldn’t profit from war I don’t think there would be war.
More Lily Tomlin Quotes
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I worry that the person who thought up Muzak may be thinking up something else.
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Does your mind feel more and more like teflon? Nothing sticks to it?
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Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain.
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I bought a box of animal crackers, but there was nothing inside. They’d eaten each other.
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Exercise is for people who can’t handle drugs or alcohol.
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We don’t care. We don’t have to. We’re the phone company.
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If evolution was worth its salt, it should’ve evolved something better than ‘survival of the fittest.’ I think a better idea would be ‘survival of the wittiest.’ At least, that way, creatures that didn’t survive could’ve died laughing.
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I have always felt that humor was a wonderful vehicle to let us become connected with each other and ourselves; I try to portray the similarities and polarities in men and women, so that we can acknowledge and embrace our collective consciousness.
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Infinity is just time on an ego trip.
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Growing up in Michigan was fine, until I realized where I was.
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People hire me to create some kind of archetype or some culture type, or something. I guess they accept whatever I come up with.
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Lady, I do not make up things. That is lies. Lies are not true. But the truth could be made up if yo know how. And that’s the truth.
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Being a New Yorker is never having to say you are sorry.
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Why isn’t there a special name for the tops of your feet?
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It’s a more ridiculing, divisive humor today.
LILY TOMLIN






