We have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his hands for masturbation.
LILY TOMLINFor fast-acting relief try slowing down.
More Lily Tomlin Quotes
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People hire me to create some kind of archetype or some culture type, or something. I guess they accept whatever I come up with.
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There will be sex after death, we just won’t be able to feel it.
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Ninety eight percent of the adults in this country are decent, hardworking, honest Americans. It’s the other lousy two percent that get all the publicity. But then, we elected them.
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I think life is perverse. It can be beautiful, but it won’t.
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Reality is nothing but a collective hunch.
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I always wondered why somebody doesn’t do something about that. Then I realized I was somebody.
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When I am happy I feel like crying, but when I am sad I don’t feel like laughing. I think it is better to be happy; then you get two feelings for the price of one.
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I guess if people couldn’t profit from war I don’t think there would be war.
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What if it’s boring – or if it’s not boring, it might be too revealing, or worse, it might be too revealing and still be boring.
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Success is a ladder that cannot be climbed with your hands in your pocket – The road to success is always under construction.
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If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in the library?
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Even when I’m being funny, I’m deadly serious.
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Truth is, I’ve always been selling out. The difference is that in the past, I looked like I had integrity because there were no buyers.
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If you read a lot of books you are considered well read. But if you watch a lot of TV, you’re not considered well viewed.
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If you have a dog or a cat, you know how developed they can be. How sensitive, how aware. They suffer. We all do.
LILY TOMLIN