I’m in nobody’s circle, I’ve always been an outsider.
JOAN RIVERSOn the Vanna White diet, you only eat what you can spell.
More Joan Rivers Quotes
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Why should a woman cook? So her husband can say ‘My wife makes a delicious cake’ to some hooker?
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Life is a movie, and you’re the star. Give it a happy ending.
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Something terrific will come no matter how dark the present.
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I’ve had so much plastic surgery, when I die they will donate my body to Tupperware.
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On the Vanna White diet, you only eat what you can spell.
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Grandchildren can be annoying – how many times can you go: “And the cow goes moo and the pig goes oink”? It’s like talking to a supermodel.
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You have to do more than just kill time or time will quickly kill you.
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You know why I feel older? I went to buy sexy underwear and they automatically gift wrapped it.
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I was born in 1962, and the room next to me was 1963.
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Better laid than never.
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If two people want to get married, get married! The Victorians had a great saying: As long as it doesn’t scare the horses, do what you want. And I absolutely believe that.
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Money can’t buy you happiness but it can pay for the plastic surgery.
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Edgar had a heart attack, and I’m to blame. We were making love, and I took the bag off my head.
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In life the only thing that you can expect is the unexpected; the only surprise is a day that has none.
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I have no boobs whatsoever. On my wedding night my husband said, ‘Let me help you with those buttons’ and I told him, ‘I’m completely naked’.
JOAN RIVERS