I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.
JOAN RIVERSOn the Vanna White diet, you only eat what you can spell.
More Joan Rivers Quotes
-
-
I’m no cook. When I want lemon on chicken, I spray it with Pledge.
JOAN RIVERS -
Life is so tough. I don’t know how old you are, but I’ve seen so much in a wink. One phone call and your life is changed forever. We all know that. You better laugh at everything.
JOAN RIVERS -
Don’t worry about the money. Love the process.
JOAN RIVERS -
If God wanted us to bend over he’d put diamonds on the floor.
JOAN RIVERS -
Money can’t buy you happiness but it can pay for the plastic surgery.
JOAN RIVERS -
Moving on is a gift you give yourself.
JOAN RIVERS -
Keep moving. It’s hard for old age to hit a moving target.
JOAN RIVERS -
Better laid than never.
JOAN RIVERS -
I said Justin Bieber looked like a little lesbian — and I stand by it: He’s the daughter Cher wishes she’d had.
JOAN RIVERS -
When you first get married, they open the car door for you. Eighteen years now…once he opened the car door for me in the last four years – we were on the freeway at the time.
JOAN RIVERS -
Elizabeth Taylor’s so fat she puts mayonnaise on aspirin.
JOAN RIVERS -
Why should a woman cook? So her husband can say ‘My wife makes a delicious cake’ to some hooker?
JOAN RIVERS -
I finally found out how priests get holy water. They boil the hell out of it.
JOAN RIVERS -
The last time I saw a blonde with red streaks in her hair she was laying on Oscar Pistorius’ bathroom floor.
JOAN RIVERS -
I use a smoke alarm as a timer.
JOAN RIVERS