One of the most rebellious things a woman can do is allow people to think she’s mean.
JOAN RIVERSOn the Vanna White diet, you only eat what you can spell.
More Joan Rivers Quotes
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Thank God we’re living in a country where the sky’s the limit, the stores are open late and you can shop in bed thanks to television.
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The first rule of survival is: Make your own rules. The hell anyone thinks about the way you’re acting; listen only to yourself.
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She doesn’t understand the concept of Roman numerals. She thought we just fought in world war eleven.
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I wish I could tell you it gets better. It doesn’t get better. You get better.
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I was smart enough to go through any door that opened.
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We all mourn in our own way. I mourn with a great steak.
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Something terrific will come no matter how dark the present.
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We don’t apologize for a joke. We are comics. We are here to make you laugh. If you don’t get it, then don’t watch us.
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Travel is the excitement of life! Everything is an adventure, and if you look at it like that, even at the worst moment you can say: ‘We will laugh tomorrow about this.’ And you do.
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I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking.
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Why should a woman cook? So her husband can say ‘My wife makes a delicious cake’ to some hooker?
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Maybe I’m old-fashioned, but I believe when a woman enters a room, men should stand up – and gay men should stand up at least halfway.
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There are many self-help books by Ph.D.s, but I hold a different degree: an I.B.T.I.A.-I’ve Been Through It All. This degree comes not on parchment but gauze, and it entitles me to tell you that there is a way to get through any misfortune.
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If you laugh at it, you can deal with it.
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You have to do more than just kill time or time will quickly kill you.
JOAN RIVERS