Why should a woman cook? So her husband can say ‘My wife makes a delicious cake’ to some hooker?
JOAN RIVERSWhy should a woman cook? So her husband can say ‘My wife makes a delicious cake’ to some hooker?
JOAN RIVERSMoney can’t buy you happiness but it can pay for the plastic surgery.
JOAN RIVERSYou know why I feel older? I went to buy sexy underwear and they automatically gift wrapped it.
JOAN RIVERSBefore we make love, my husband takes a pain killer.
JOAN RIVERSOn the Vanna White diet, you only eat what you can spell.
JOAN RIVERSElizabeth Taylor’s so fat she puts mayonnaise on aspirin.
JOAN RIVERSBetter laid than never.
JOAN RIVERSThe fashion magazines are suggesting that women wear clothes that are ‘age appropriate.’ For me that would be a shroud.
JOAN RIVERSI use a smoke alarm as a timer.
JOAN RIVERSI have a million dollar figure but it’s all loose change.
JOAN RIVERSOn the Vanna White diet, you only eat what you can spell.
JOAN RIVERSIf you can’t make fun of yourself, you don’t have any right to make fun of others.
JOAN RIVERSPut me up against Sarah Silverman and I could take her.
JOAN RIVERSI was born in 1962, and the room next to me was 1963.
JOAN RIVERSWhen my husband Edgar and I were courting, he said he couldn’t wait to have a baby. It was only after we were married that he changed his mind and decided that I should have the baby.
JOAN RIVERSDon’t follow any advice, no matter how good, until you feel as deeply in your spirit as you think in your mind that the counsel is wise.
JOAN RIVERS