The first rule of survival is: Make your own rules. The hell anyone thinks about the way you’re acting; listen only to yourself.
JOAN RIVERSWhy should a woman cook? So her husband can say ‘My wife makes a delicious cake’ to some hooker?
More Joan Rivers Quotes
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Put me up against Sarah Silverman and I could take her.
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I’m no cook. When I want lemon on chicken, I spray it with Pledge.
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Don’t worry about the money. Love the process.
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Just remember: Surviving is the best revenge, no matter what the disaster has been.
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Don’t follow any advice, no matter how good, until you feel as deeply in your spirit as you think in your mind that the counsel is wise.
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I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.
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You know you’re getting old when work is a lot less fun and fun is a lot more work.
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Maybe I’m old-fashioned, but I believe when a woman enters a room, men should stand up – and gay men should stand up at least halfway.
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If you laugh at it, you can deal with it.
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At my funeral, I want Meryl Streep crying in five different accents.
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Happiness, at my age, is breathing
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You have to do more than just kill time or time will quickly kill you.
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I was born in 1962, and the room next to me was 1963.
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Your anger can be 49 percent and your comedy 51 percent, and you’re okay. If the anger is 51 percent, the comedy is gone.
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Don’t tell your kids you had an easy birth or they won’t respect you. For years I used to wake up my daughter and say, ‘Melissa you ripped me to shreds. Now go back to sleep.’.
JOAN RIVERS