Better laid than never.
JOAN RIVERSBetter laid than never.
More Joan Rivers Quotes
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We don’t apologize for a joke. We are comics. We are here to make you laugh. If you don’t get it, then don’t watch us.
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Edgar had a heart attack, and I’m to blame. We were making love, and I took the bag off my head.
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Don’t cook. Don’t clean. No man will ever make love to a woman because she waxed the linoleum.
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In life the only thing that you can expect is the unexpected; the only surprise is a day that has none.
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To the pessimist the light at the end of the tunnel is another train.
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Thank God we’re living in a country where the sky’s the limit, the stores are open late and you can shop in bed thanks to television.
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Why should a woman cook? So her husband can say ‘My wife makes a delicious cake’ to some hooker?
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At my funeral, I want Meryl Streep crying in five different accents.
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On the Vanna White diet, you only eat what you can spell.
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People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made.
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You know you’re getting old when work is a lot less fun and fun is a lot more work.
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With age comes wisdom. You don’t need big boobs to be feminine. Look at Liberace.
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You have to do more than just kill time or time will quickly kill you.
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If you don’t want gays in the military, make the uniforms ugly.
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Elizabeth Taylor’s so fat she puts mayonnaise on aspirin.
JOAN RIVERS