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Better laid than never.

Joan Rivers

Better laid than never.
JOAN RIVERS

Better One Liner Sex
We don’t apologize for a joke. We are comics. We are here to make you laugh. If you don’t get it, then don’t watch us.
JOAN RIVERS

Joke Laughter See Sorry Yourself
Edgar had a heart attack, and I’m to blame. We were making love, and I took the bag off my head.
JOAN RIVERS

Blame Head Heart Love Myself Sex
Don’t cook. Don’t clean. No man will ever make love to a woman because she waxed the linoleum.
JOAN RIVERS

Cook Love Man Woman
In life the only thing that you can expect is the unexpected; the only surprise is a day that has none.
JOAN RIVERS

Day Expectation Life Yourself
To the pessimist the light at the end of the tunnel is another train.
JOAN RIVERS

Negative Perspective Thinking Train
Thank God we’re living in a country where the sky’s the limit, the stores are open late and you can shop in bed thanks to television.
JOAN RIVERS

Bed Country God Limitation Sky Thankful
Why should a woman cook? So her husband can say ‘My wife makes a delicious cake’ to some hooker?
JOAN RIVERS

Cook Food Man Marriage Responsibility Sex Woman
At my funeral, I want Meryl Streep crying in five different accents.
JOAN RIVERS

Cry Different Funeral Myself Sound
On the Vanna White diet, you only eat what you can spell.
JOAN RIVERS

Eat Food Yourself
People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made.
JOAN RIVERS

Funny Happiness Key Life Money People
You know you’re getting old when work is a lot less fun and fun is a lot more work.
JOAN RIVERS

Deep Fun Funny Old Work Yourself
With age comes wisdom. You don’t need big boobs to be feminine. Look at Liberace.
JOAN RIVERS

Age Female Need Wisdom Yourself
You have to do more than just kill time or time will quickly kill you.
JOAN RIVERS

Deep Inspirational Kill Time Yourself
If you don’t want gays in the military, make the uniforms ugly.
JOAN RIVERS

Fashion Military Ugly Yourself
Elizabeth Taylor’s so fat she puts mayonnaise on aspirin.
JOAN RIVERS

Appearance Body Fat Food Medicine

Better laid than never.

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Better laid than never.

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