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Women should look good. Work on yourselves. Education? I spit on education. No man is ever going to put his hand up your dress looking for a library card.

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My daughter and I are very close, we speak every single day and I call her every day and I say the same thing, “pick up, I know you’re there.”
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I’m racist? How can that even be possible? I was a friend of Michael Jackson’s back when he was black.
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The last time I saw a blonde with red streaks in her hair she was laying on Oscar Pistorius’ bathroom floor.
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Why should a woman cook? So her husband can say ‘My wife makes a delicious cake’ to some hooker?
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I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking.
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A Mafia guy in Vegas gave me this advice: “Run your own race, put on your blinders.”
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At my funeral, I want Meryl Streep crying in five different accents.
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Moving on is a gift you give yourself.
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Better laid than never.
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Thank God we’re living in a country where the sky’s the limit, the stores are open late and you can shop in bed thanks to television.
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