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I enjoy life when things are happening. I don’t care if it’s good things or bad things. That means you’re alive.

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Alive Bad Care Enjoyment Goodness Life Myself

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Marilyn Monroe Paulo Coelho Abraham Lincoln C. S. Lewis Khalil Gibran Charlie Chaplin Gautama Buddha Isaac Newton

Edgar had a heart attack, and I’m to blame. We were making love, and I took the bag off my head.
JOAN RIVERS

Blame Head Heart Love Myself Sex
If you don’t want gays in the military, make the uniforms ugly.
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Fashion Military Ugly Yourself
Put me up against Sarah Silverman and I could take her.
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Defeat Herself Myself Win
My mother could make anybody feel guilty – she used to get letters of apology from people she didn’t even know.
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Children Guilty Herself Humor Letter Mother Myself People Sorry
I’m racist? How can that even be possible? I was a friend of Michael Jackson’s back when he was black.
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Black Friendship Himself Myself Possible Race
When you can laugh at yourself no one can ever make a fool of you.
JOAN RIVERS

Fools Laughter Yourself
Life goes by fast. Enjoy it. Calm down. It’s all funny.
JOAN RIVERS

Enjoyment Fast Funny Life
Why should a woman cook? So her husband can say ‘My wife makes a delicious cake’ to some hooker?
JOAN RIVERS

Cook Food Man Marriage Responsibility Sex Woman
Nothing is yours permanently so you better enjoy it while it’s happening.
JOAN RIVERS

Enjoyment Philosophy Yourself
Just remember: Surviving is the best revenge, no matter what the disaster has been.
JOAN RIVERS

Hard Time Remember Revenge Survive
Before we make love, my husband takes a pain killer.
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Husband Love Myself Pain Sex Tough Wild
We don’t apologize for a joke. We are comics. We are here to make you laugh. If you don’t get it, then don’t watch us.
JOAN RIVERS

Joke Laughter See Sorry Yourself
Moving on is a gift you give yourself.
JOAN RIVERS

Gift Move On Yourself
At my funeral, I want Meryl Streep crying in five different accents.
JOAN RIVERS

Cry Different Funeral Myself Sound
When you first get married, they open the car door for you. Eighteen years now…once he opened the car door for me in the last four years – we were on the freeway at the time.
JOAN RIVERS

Couple Freedom Marriage Time Yourself
Better laid than never.
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Better One Liner Sex

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