Some women take up the law and become lawyers. Other women lay down the law and become wives.
JOAN RIVERSI enjoy life when things are happening. I don’t care if it’s good things or bad things. That means you’re alive.
More Joan Rivers Quotes
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You have to do more than just kill time or time will quickly kill you.
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Life is so tough. I don’t know how old you are, but I’ve seen so much in a wink. One phone call and your life is changed forever. We all know that. You better laugh at everything.
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The fashion magazines are suggesting that women wear clothes that are ‘age appropriate.’ For me that would be a shroud.
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Old age is always ten years more than we are.
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The first rule of survival is: Make your own rules. The hell anyone thinks about the way you’re acting; listen only to yourself.
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Life goes by fast. Enjoy it. Calm down. It’s all funny.
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Bo Derek turned down the role of Helen Keller because she couldn’t remember the lines.
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I’ve had so much plastic surgery, when I die they will donate my body to Tupperware.
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I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
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With age comes wisdom. You don’t need big boobs to be feminine. Look at Liberace.
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I was smart enough to go through any door that opened.
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On her daughter Melissa: The only time she really cried is when I sat her down and told her that she was not adopted.
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Why should a woman cook? So her husband can say ‘My wife makes a delicious cake’ to some hooker?
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I have a million dollar figure but it’s all loose change.
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My earliest childhood memory was watching my parents loosen the wheels on my stroller.
JOAN RIVERS