Edgar had a heart attack, and I’m to blame. We were making love, and I took the bag off my head.
JOAN RIVERSI enjoy life when things are happening. I don’t care if it’s good things or bad things. That means you’re alive.
More Joan Rivers Quotes
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If you don’t want gays in the military, make the uniforms ugly.
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Put me up against Sarah Silverman and I could take her.
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My mother could make anybody feel guilty – she used to get letters of apology from people she didn’t even know.
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I’m racist? How can that even be possible? I was a friend of Michael Jackson’s back when he was black.
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When you can laugh at yourself no one can ever make a fool of you.
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Life goes by fast. Enjoy it. Calm down. It’s all funny.
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Why should a woman cook? So her husband can say ‘My wife makes a delicious cake’ to some hooker?
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Nothing is yours permanently so you better enjoy it while it’s happening.
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Just remember: Surviving is the best revenge, no matter what the disaster has been.
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Before we make love, my husband takes a pain killer.
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We don’t apologize for a joke. We are comics. We are here to make you laugh. If you don’t get it, then don’t watch us.
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Moving on is a gift you give yourself.
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At my funeral, I want Meryl Streep crying in five different accents.
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When you first get married, they open the car door for you. Eighteen years now…once he opened the car door for me in the last four years – we were on the freeway at the time.
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Better laid than never.
JOAN RIVERS