Being a woman is of special interest only to aspiring male transsexuals. To actual women, it is simply a good excuse not to play football.
FRAN LEBOWITZNever relinquish clothing to a hotel valet without first specifically telling him that you want it back.
More Fran Lebowitz Quotes
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I’ve done the calculation and your chances of winning the lottery are identical whether you play or not.
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As a teenager you are at the last stage in your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you.
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Very few people possess true artistic ability. It is therefore both unseemly and unproductive to irritate the situation by making an effort.
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The opposite of talking isn’t listening. The opposite of talking is waiting.
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If you’re going to America, bring your own food.
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The telephone is a good way to talk to people without having to offer them a drink.
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Ifyou have a burning, restless urge to write or paint, simply eat something sweet and the feeling will pass.
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Contrary to popular opinion, the hustle is not a new dance step – it is an old business procedure.
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Food is an important part of a balanced diet.
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Having been unpopular in high school is not just cause for book publications.
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No animal should ever jump up on the dining-room furniture unless absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation.
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If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater suggest that he wear a tail.
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Life is something to do when you can’t get to sleep.
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Nature is by and large to be found out of doors, a location where, it cannot be argued, there are never enough comfortable chairs.
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When you leave New York, you are astonished at how clean the rest of the world is. Clean is not enough.
FRAN LEBOWITZ