Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
ERMA BOMBECKGuilt: the gift that keeps on giving.
More Erma Bombeck Quotes
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As a child, my number one best friend was the librarian in my grade school. I actually believed all those books belonged to her.
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A grandparent is the only baby-sitter who doesn’t charge more after midnight – or anything before midnight.
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Humor is a spontaneous, wonderful bit of an outburst that just comes. It’s unbridled, its unplanned, it’s full of suprises.
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I was trampled to death by a man who believed his luggage would be the first piece off. If he were an experienced traveler, he would know that the first piece of luggage belongs to no one. It’s just a dummy suitcase to give everyone hope.
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A member of the committee slapped a name tag over my left bosom. “What shall we name the other one?” I smiled. She was not amused.
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Time. It hangs heavy for the bored, eludes the busy, flies by the for young, and runs out for the aged.
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When humor goes, there goes civilization.
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One never realizes how different a husband and wife can be until they begin to pack for a trip.
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One thing they never tell you about child raising is that for the rest of your life, at the drop of a hat, you are expected to know your child’s name and how old he or she is.
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For years, my husband and I have advocated separate vacations. But the kids keep finding us.
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If I had my life to live over, instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I’d have cherished ever moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.
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Giving birth is little more than a set of muscular contractions granting passage of a child. Then the mother is born.
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It seemed rather incongruous that in a society of super sophisticated communication, we often suffer from a shortage of listeners.
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When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, ‘I used everything you gave me’.
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Sometimes I can’t figure designers out. It’s as if they flunked human anatomy.
ERMA BOMBECK







