The grass is always greener over the septic tank.
ERMA BOMBECKGuilt: the gift that keeps on giving.
More Erma Bombeck Quotes
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I was trampled to death by a man who believed his luggage would be the first piece off. If he were an experienced traveler, he would know that the first piece of luggage belongs to no one. It’s just a dummy suitcase to give everyone hope.
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Volunteers are the only human beings on the face of the earth who reflect this nation’s compassion, unselfish caring, patience, and just plain love for one another.
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When the going gets tough, the tough make cookies.
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There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.
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If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.
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Maybe age is kinder to us than we think. With my bad eyes, I can’t see how bad I look, and with my rotten memory, I have a good excuse for getting out of a lot of stuff.
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Never have more children than you have car windows.
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As a child, my number one best friend was the librarian in my grade school. I actually believed all those books belonged to her.
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One never realizes how different a husband and wife can be until they begin to pack for a trip.
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I just clipped 2 articles from a current magazine. One is a diet guaranteed to drop 5 pounds off my body in a weekend. The other is a recipe for a 6 minute pecan pie.
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Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the ‘Titanic’ who waved off the dessert cart.
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Friends are “annuals” that need seasonal nurturing to bear blossoms. Family is a “perennial” that comes up year after year, enduring the droughts of absence and neglect. There’s a place in the garden for both of them.
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Humor is a spontaneous, wonderful bit of an outburst that just comes. It’s unbridled, its unplanned, it’s full of suprises.
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Don’t confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other.
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If you can’t make it better, you can laugh at it.
ERMA BOMBECK