Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
ERMA BOMBECKGuilt: the gift that keeps on giving.
More Erma Bombeck Quotes
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I remember thinking how often we look, but never see … we listen, but never hear … we exist, but never feel. We take our relationships for granted. A house is only a place. It has no life of its own. It needs human voices, activity and laughter to come alive.
ERMA BOMBECK -
Some emotions don’t make a lot of noise. It’s hard to hear pride. Caring is real faint – like a heartbeat. And pure love – why, some days it’s so quiet, you don’t even know it’s there.
ERMA BOMBECK -
No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed.
ERMA BOMBECK -
One thing they never tell you about child raising is that for the rest of your life, at the drop of a hat, you are expected to know your child’s name and how old he or she is.
ERMA BOMBECK -
Volunteers are the only human beings on the face of the earth who reflect this nation’s compassion, unselfish caring, patience, and just plain love for one another.
ERMA BOMBECK -
Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the ‘Titanic’ who waved off the dessert cart.
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Sometimes I can’t figure designers out. It’s as if they flunked human anatomy.
ERMA BOMBECK -
Never have more children than you have car windows.
ERMA BOMBECK -
A member of the committee slapped a name tag over my left bosom. “What shall we name the other one?” I smiled. She was not amused.
ERMA BOMBECK -
I worry about scientists discovering that lettuce has been fattening all along.
ERMA BOMBECK -
Housework, if it is done properly, can cause brain damage.
ERMA BOMBECK -
Grandparenthood is one of life’s rewards for surviving your own children.
ERMA BOMBECK -
The grass is always greener over the septic tank.
ERMA BOMBECK -
Success is outliving your failures.
ERMA BOMBECK -
Kids need love the most when they’re acting most unlovable.
ERMA BOMBECK







