Giving birth is little more than a set of muscular contractions granting passage of a child. Then the mother is born.
ERMA BOMBECKMy theory on housework is, if the item doesn’t multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares. Why should you?
More Erma Bombeck Quotes
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There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.
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Don’t confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other.
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A member of the committee slapped a name tag over my left bosom. “What shall we name the other one?” I smiled. She was not amused.
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There’s nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.
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I haven’t trusted polls since I read that 62% of women had affairs during their lunch hour. I’ve never met a woman in my life who would give up lunch for sex.
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As a child, my number one best friend was the librarian in my grade school. I actually believed all those books belonged to her.
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I was trampled to death by a man who believed his luggage would be the first piece off. If he were an experienced traveler, he would know that the first piece of luggage belongs to no one. It’s just a dummy suitcase to give everyone hope.
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My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car.
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If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.
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Encourage independence in your children by regularly losing them in the supermarket.
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Pregnancy is the only time in a woman’s life she can help God work a miracle.
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The grass is always greener over the septic tank.
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When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, ‘I used everything you gave me’.
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Cats invented self-esteem.
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When you look like your passport photo, it’s time to go home.
ERMA BOMBECK