Cleanliness is not next to godliness. It isn’t even in the same neighborhood. No one has ever gotten a religious experience out of removing burned-on cheese from the grill of the toaster oven.
ERMA BOMBECKMy theory on housework is, if the item doesn’t multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares. Why should you?
More Erma Bombeck Quotes
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My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.
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There’s something wrong with a mother who washes out a measuring cup with soap and water after she’s only measured water in it.
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There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.
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Housework, if it is done properly, can cause brain damage.
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I worry about scientists discovering that lettuce has been fattening all along.
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Giving birth is little more than a set of muscular contractions granting passage of a child. Then the mother is born.
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There’s nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.
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I was trampled to death by a man who believed his luggage would be the first piece off. If he were an experienced traveler, he would know that the first piece of luggage belongs to no one. It’s just a dummy suitcase to give everyone hope.
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Pregnancy is the only time in a woman’s life she can help God work a miracle.
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Cats invented self-esteem.
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Kids need love the most when they’re acting most unlovable.
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Time. It hangs heavy for the bored, eludes the busy, flies by the for young, and runs out for the aged.
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My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
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If you can’t make it better, you can laugh at it.
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A grandparent is the only baby-sitter who doesn’t charge more after midnight – or anything before midnight.
ERMA BOMBECK