All of us have moments in our lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white carpet is one of them.
ERMA BOMBECKMy theory on housework is, if the item doesn’t multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares. Why should you?
More Erma Bombeck Quotes
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Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence.
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He who laughs lasts.
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Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving.
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My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
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If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.
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If I had my life to live over, instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I’d have cherished ever moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.
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Have you any idea how many children it takes to turn off one light in the kitchen Three. It takes one to say What light and two more to say I didn’t turn it on.
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There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.
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Giving birth is little more than a set of muscular contractions granting passage of a child. Then the mother is born.
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I read one psychologist’s theory that said, “Never strike a child in your anger.” When could I strike him? When he is kissing me on my birthday? When he’s recuperating from measles? Do I slap the Bible out of his hand on Sunday?
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As a child, my number one best friend was the librarian in my grade school. I actually believed all those books belonged to her.
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Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone?
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Cleanliness is not next to godliness. It isn’t even in the same neighborhood. No one has ever gotten a religious experience out of removing burned-on cheese from the grill of the toaster oven.
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Onion rings in the car cushions do not improve with time.
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My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.
ERMA BOMBECK