Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
ERMA BOMBECKIt seemed rather incongruous that in a society of super sophisticated communication, we often suffer from a shortage of listeners.
More Erma Bombeck Quotes
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If I had my life to live over, instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I’d have cherished ever moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.
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Cats invented self-esteem.
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As a child, my number one best friend was the librarian in my grade school. I actually believed all those books belonged to her.
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It is my theory you can’t get rid of fat. All you can do is move it around, like furniture.
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It is ludicrous to read the microwave direction on the boxes of food you buy, as each one will have a disclaimer: THIS WILL VARY WITH YOUR MICROWAVE. Loosely translated, this means, You’re on your own, Bernice.
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Grandparenthood is one of life’s rewards for surviving your own children.
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It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else.
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A member of the committee slapped a name tag over my left bosom. “What shall we name the other one?” I smiled. She was not amused.
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When you’re lecturing teenagers and they begin to hum and leave the room, you can sense there is hostility.
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The hippopotamus is a vegetarian and looks like a wall. Lions who eat only red meat are sleek and slim. Are nutritionists on the wrong track?
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Friends are “annuals” that need seasonal nurturing to bear blossoms. Family is a “perennial” that comes up year after year, enduring the droughts of absence and neglect. There’s a place in the garden for both of them.
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A grandparent will help you with your buttons, your zippers, and your shoelaces and not be in any hurry for you to grow up.
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One thing they never tell you about child raising is that for the rest of your life, at the drop of a hat, you are expected to know your child’s name and how old he or she is.
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Housework is a treadmill from futility to oblivion with stop-offs at tedium and counter productivity.
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Every puppy should have a boy.
ERMA BOMBECK