Success is outliving your failures.
ERMA BOMBECKPregnancy is the only time in a woman’s life she can help God work a miracle.
More Erma Bombeck Quotes
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Cleaning the house while the children are home is like shoveling while it’s still snowing.
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My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car.
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My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.
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Grandparenthood is one of life’s rewards for surviving your own children.
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The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one.
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Children make your life important.
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Friends are “annuals” that need seasonal nurturing to bear blossoms. Family is a “perennial” that comes up year after year, enduring the droughts of absence and neglect. There’s a place in the garden for both of them.
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If you can’t make it better, you can laugh at it.
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It is ludicrous to read the microwave direction on the boxes of food you buy, as each one will have a disclaimer: THIS WILL VARY WITH YOUR MICROWAVE. Loosely translated, this means, You’re on your own, Bernice.
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Some emotions don’t make a lot of noise. It’s hard to hear pride. Caring is real faint – like a heartbeat. And pure love – why, some days it’s so quiet, you don’t even know it’s there.
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Cleanliness is not next to godliness. It isn’t even in the same neighborhood. No one has ever gotten a religious experience out of removing burned-on cheese from the grill of the toaster oven.
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A grandparent is the only baby-sitter who doesn’t charge more after midnight – or anything before midnight.
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All of us have moments in our lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white carpet is one of them.
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I remember thinking how often we look, but never see … we listen, but never hear … we exist, but never feel. We take our relationships for granted. A house is only a place. It has no life of its own. It needs human voices, activity and laughter to come alive.
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A member of the committee slapped a name tag over my left bosom. “What shall we name the other one?” I smiled. She was not amused.
ERMA BOMBECK