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If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.

Erma Bombeck

I remember thinking how often we look, but never see … we listen, but never hear … we exist, but never feel. We take our relationships for granted. A house is only a place. It has no life of its own. It needs human voices, activity and laughter to come alive.
ERMA BOMBECK

Alive Existence Feeling Laughter Life Listen Myself Place Remember See Thinking Voice
For years, my husband and I have advocated separate vacations. But the kids keep finding us.
ERMA BOMBECK

Husband Marriage Myself Vacation. Children
I got to thinking one day about all those women on the Titanic who passed up dessert at dinner that fateful night.
ERMA BOMBECK

Fate Food Myself Night Oneself Thinking Woman
It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else.
ERMA BOMBECK

Courage Dream Kindness Yourself
I read one psychologist’s theory that said, “Never strike a child in your anger.” When could I strike him? When he is kissing me on my birthday? When he’s recuperating from measles? Do I slap the Bible out of his hand on Sunday?
ERMA BOMBECK

Angry Book Children Family Funny Hands Kiss Myself Reading Theory Yourself
Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the ‘Titanic’ who waved off the dessert cart.
ERMA BOMBECK

Food Funny Humor Moments Woman
Housework is a treadmill from futility to oblivion with stop-offs at tedium and counter productivity.
ERMA BOMBECK

Home Result Stop Work
Success is outliving your failures.
ERMA BOMBECK

Failure Growth Inspirational Live One Liner Success
My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car.
ERMA BOMBECK

Children Food Funny Myself Place Stay
There’s something wrong with a mother who washes out a measuring cup with soap and water after she’s only measured water in it.
ERMA BOMBECK

Fun Funny Mother Water Wrong
A grandmother pretends she doesn’t know who you are on Halloween.
ERMA BOMBECK

Family Fun Herself Mom Relationship Yourself
When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they’re finished, I climb out.
ERMA BOMBECK

Children Family Funny Mom Myself Safety
Never have more children than you have car windows.
ERMA BOMBECK

Advice Children Funny Yourself
Every puppy should have a boy.
ERMA BOMBECK

Animal Boy Company Dog Friendship
It seemed rather incongruous that in a society of super sophisticated communication, we often suffer from a shortage of listeners.
ERMA BOMBECK

Communication Inspirational Life Listening Suffering
If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.
ERMA BOMBECK

Death Game Himself Legal Man

If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.

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If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.

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