Cats invented self-esteem.
ERMA BOMBECKIf a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.
More Erma Bombeck Quotes
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Cleanliness is not next to godliness. It isn’t even in the same neighborhood. No one has ever gotten a religious experience out of removing burned-on cheese from the grill of the toaster oven.
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It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else.
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I remember thinking how often we look, but never see … we listen, but never hear … we exist, but never feel. We take our relationships for granted. A house is only a place. It has no life of its own. It needs human voices, activity and laughter to come alive.
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Time. It hangs heavy for the bored, eludes the busy, flies by the for young, and runs out for the aged.
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I’ve exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars.
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When you’re lecturing teenagers and they begin to hum and leave the room, you can sense there is hostility.
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I am not a glutton – I am an explorer of food.
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Pregnancy is the only time in a woman’s life she can help God work a miracle.
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If I had my life to live over, instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I’d have cherished ever moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.
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When the going gets tough, the tough make cookies.
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There’s something wrong with a mother who washes out a measuring cup with soap and water after she’s only measured water in it.
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Success is outliving your failures.
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Good kids are like sunsets. We take them for granted. Every evening they disappear. Most parents never imagine how hard they try to please us, and how miserable they feel when they think they have failed.
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There’s nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.
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I was trampled to death by a man who believed his luggage would be the first piece off. If he were an experienced traveler, he would know that the first piece of luggage belongs to no one. It’s just a dummy suitcase to give everyone hope.
ERMA BOMBECK