Every puppy should have a boy.
ERMA BOMBECKIf a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.
More Erma Bombeck Quotes
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Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
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I haven’t trusted polls since I read that 62% of women had affairs during their lunch hour. I’ve never met a woman in my life who would give up lunch for sex.
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I got to thinking one day about all those women on the Titanic who passed up dessert at dinner that fateful night.
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Cats invented self-esteem.
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A grandmother pretends she doesn’t know who you are on Halloween.
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Encourage independence in your children by regularly losing them in the supermarket.
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Onion rings in the car cushions do not improve with time.
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Children make your life important.
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Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence.
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When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, ‘I used everything you gave me’.
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Housework, if it is done properly, can cause brain damage.
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As a child, my number one best friend was the librarian in my grade school. I actually believed all those books belonged to her.
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A grandparent will help you with your buttons, your zippers, and your shoelaces and not be in any hurry for you to grow up.
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The grass is always greener over the septic tank.
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My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car.
ERMA BOMBECK