Sometimes I can’t figure designers out. It’s as if they flunked human anatomy.
ERMA BOMBECKWhen you look like your passport photo, it’s time to go home.
More Erma Bombeck Quotes
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Onion rings in the car cushions do not improve with time.
ERMA BOMBECK -
One thing they never tell you about child raising is that for the rest of your life, at the drop of a hat, you are expected to know your child’s name and how old he or she is.
ERMA BOMBECK -
Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence.
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Kids need love the most when they’re acting most unlovable.
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Maybe age is kinder to us than we think. With my bad eyes, I can’t see how bad I look, and with my rotten memory, I have a good excuse for getting out of a lot of stuff.
ERMA BOMBECK -
Cleanliness is not next to godliness. It isn’t even in the same neighborhood. No one has ever gotten a religious experience out of removing burned-on cheese from the grill of the toaster oven.
ERMA BOMBECK -
My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car.
ERMA BOMBECK -
Volunteers are the only human beings on the face of the earth who reflect this nation’s compassion, unselfish caring, patience, and just plain love for one another.
ERMA BOMBECK -
Success is outliving your failures.
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Never have more children than you have car windows.
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Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone?
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Children make your life important.
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A grandmother pretends she doesn’t know who you are on Halloween.
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It seemed rather incongruous that in a society of super sophisticated communication, we often suffer from a shortage of listeners.
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It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else.
ERMA BOMBECK







