How come anything you buy will go on sale next week?
ERMA BOMBECKWhen you look like your passport photo, it’s time to go home.
More Erma Bombeck Quotes
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It is ludicrous to read the microwave direction on the boxes of food you buy, as each one will have a disclaimer: THIS WILL VARY WITH YOUR MICROWAVE. Loosely translated, this means, You’re on your own, Bernice.
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I never leaf through a copy of National Geographic without realizing how lucky we are to live in a society where it is traditional to wear clothes.
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It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else.
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Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone?
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Some emotions don’t make a lot of noise. It’s hard to hear pride. Caring is real faint – like a heartbeat. And pure love – why, some days it’s so quiet, you don’t even know it’s there.
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I was trampled to death by a man who believed his luggage would be the first piece off. If he were an experienced traveler, he would know that the first piece of luggage belongs to no one. It’s just a dummy suitcase to give everyone hope.
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Good kids are like sunsets. We take them for granted. Every evening they disappear. Most parents never imagine how hard they try to please us, and how miserable they feel when they think they have failed.
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Every puppy should have a boy.
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A grandmother pretends she doesn’t know who you are on Halloween.
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Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence.
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Time. It hangs heavy for the bored, eludes the busy, flies by the for young, and runs out for the aged.
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It seemed rather incongruous that in a society of super sophisticated communication, we often suffer from a shortage of listeners.
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I got to thinking one day about all those women on the Titanic who passed up dessert at dinner that fateful night.
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I’ve exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars.
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When humor goes, there goes civilization.
ERMA BOMBECK







