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Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.

Erma Bombeck

If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.
ERMA BOMBECK

Death Game Himself Legal Man
I am not a glutton – I am an explorer of food.
ERMA BOMBECK

Exploration Food Funny Humor Myself
Housework is a treadmill from futility to oblivion with stop-offs at tedium and counter productivity.
ERMA BOMBECK

Home Result Stop Work
When humor goes, there goes civilization.
ERMA BOMBECK

Civilization Humor Loss
Like religion, politics, and family planning, cereal is not a topic to be brought up in public. It’s too controversial.
ERMA BOMBECK

Family Food Funny Planning Politics Religion
There’s something wrong with a mother who washes out a measuring cup with soap and water after she’s only measured water in it.
ERMA BOMBECK

Fun Funny Mother Water Wrong
A grandparent will help you with your buttons, your zippers, and your shoelaces and not be in any hurry for you to grow up.
ERMA BOMBECK

Clothes Growth Parents Yourself
Success is outliving your failures.
ERMA BOMBECK

Failure Growth Inspirational Live One Liner Success
He who laughs lasts.
ERMA BOMBECK

Funny Happiness Inspirational One Liner
I was trampled to death by a man who believed his luggage would be the first piece off. If he were an experienced traveler, he would know that the first piece of luggage belongs to no one. It’s just a dummy suitcase to give everyone hope.
ERMA BOMBECK

Death Experience Food Funny Hope Humor Man Myself Pieces Travel
When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they’re finished, I climb out.
ERMA BOMBECK

Children Family Funny Mom Myself Safety
Never have more children than you have car windows.
ERMA BOMBECK

Advice Children Funny Yourself
There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.
ERMA BOMBECK

Happiness Hurt Laughter Pain Tragedy
It is my theory you can’t get rid of fat. All you can do is move it around, like furniture.
ERMA BOMBECK

Funny Move Theory Yourself
All of us have moments in our lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white carpet is one of them.
ERMA BOMBECK

Children Courage Funny Inspirational Moments Parents White
The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one.
ERMA BOMBECK

Food Funny Life

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.

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Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.

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