I remember thinking how often we look, but never see … we listen, but never hear … we exist, but never feel. We take our relationships for granted. A house is only a place. It has no life of its own. It needs human voices, activity and laughter to come alive.
ERMA BOMBECKNever go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
More Erma Bombeck Quotes
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If you can’t make it better, you can laugh at it.
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Housework is a treadmill from futility to oblivion with stop-offs at tedium and counter productivity.
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Kids need love the most when they’re acting most unlovable.
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Housework, if it is done properly, can cause brain damage.
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Humor is a spontaneous, wonderful bit of an outburst that just comes. It’s unbridled, its unplanned, it’s full of suprises.
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I read one psychologist’s theory that said, “Never strike a child in your anger.” When could I strike him? When he is kissing me on my birthday? When he’s recuperating from measles? Do I slap the Bible out of his hand on Sunday?
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My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.
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As a child, my number one best friend was the librarian in my grade school. I actually believed all those books belonged to her.
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My theory on housework is, if the item doesn’t multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares. Why should you?
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The grass is always greener over the septic tank.
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When you look like your passport photo, it’s time to go home.
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Cats invented self-esteem.
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People usually survive their illnesses, but the paper work eventually does them in. Filing a claim for insurance is terminal.
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A grandparent is the only baby-sitter who doesn’t charge more after midnight – or anything before midnight.
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I haven’t trusted polls since I read that 62% of women had affairs during their lunch hour. I’ve never met a woman in my life who would give up lunch for sex.
ERMA BOMBECK