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Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.

Erma Bombeck

When you’re lecturing teenagers and they begin to hum and leave the room, you can sense there is hostility.
ERMA BOMBECK

Beginning Children Room Yourself
Kids need love the most when they’re acting most unlovable.
ERMA BOMBECK

Act Children Forgiveness Love
Some emotions don’t make a lot of noise. It’s hard to hear pride. Caring is real faint – like a heartbeat. And pure love – why, some days it’s so quiet, you don’t even know it’s there.
ERMA BOMBECK

Care Deep Emotion Funny Hard Love Pride Quiet Reality Yourself
There’s something wrong with a mother who washes out a measuring cup with soap and water after she’s only measured water in it.
ERMA BOMBECK

Fun Funny Mother Water Wrong
Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence.
ERMA BOMBECK

Food Preparation Thankful Time
Sometimes I can’t figure designers out. It’s as if they flunked human anatomy.
ERMA BOMBECK

Design Fashion Human Literature Myself
Housework is a treadmill from futility to oblivion with stop-offs at tedium and counter productivity.
ERMA BOMBECK

Home Result Stop Work
I am not a glutton – I am an explorer of food.
ERMA BOMBECK

Exploration Food Funny Humor Myself
Grandparenthood is one of life’s rewards for surviving your own children.
ERMA BOMBECK

Children Funny Parents Reward Survive
One thing they never tell you about child raising is that for the rest of your life, at the drop of a hat, you are expected to know your child’s name and how old he or she is.
ERMA BOMBECK

Children Expectation Funny Life Oneself Sarcastic
The hippopotamus is a vegetarian and looks like a wall. Lions who eat only red meat are sleek and slim. Are nutritionists on the wrong track?
ERMA BOMBECK

Animal Food Funny Lion Wrong
All of us have moments in our lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white carpet is one of them.
ERMA BOMBECK

Children Courage Funny Inspirational Moments Parents White
Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving.
ERMA BOMBECK

Give Up Guilty
It is my theory you can’t get rid of fat. All you can do is move it around, like furniture.
ERMA BOMBECK

Funny Move Theory Yourself
There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.
ERMA BOMBECK

Happiness Hurt Laughter Pain Tragedy
Housework can kill you if done right.
ERMA BOMBECK

Funny Kill Work Yourself

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.

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Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.

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