When humor goes, there goes civilization.
ERMA BOMBECKMy idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
More Erma Bombeck Quotes
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Encourage independence in your children by regularly losing them in the supermarket.
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The hippopotamus is a vegetarian and looks like a wall. Lions who eat only red meat are sleek and slim. Are nutritionists on the wrong track?
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No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed.
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There’s something wrong with a mother who washes out a measuring cup with soap and water after she’s only measured water in it.
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As a child, my number one best friend was the librarian in my grade school. I actually believed all those books belonged to her.
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A grandparent will help you with your buttons, your zippers, and your shoelaces and not be in any hurry for you to grow up.
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Good kids are like sunsets. We take them for granted. Every evening they disappear. Most parents never imagine how hard they try to please us, and how miserable they feel when they think they have failed.
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Onion rings in the car cushions do not improve with time.
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Cats invented self-esteem.
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I haven’t trusted polls since I read that 62% of women had affairs during their lunch hour. I’ve never met a woman in my life who would give up lunch for sex.
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Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the ‘Titanic’ who waved off the dessert cart.
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I never leaf through a copy of National Geographic without realizing how lucky we are to live in a society where it is traditional to wear clothes.
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Some emotions don’t make a lot of noise. It’s hard to hear pride. Caring is real faint – like a heartbeat. And pure love – why, some days it’s so quiet, you don’t even know it’s there.
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I am not a glutton – I am an explorer of food.
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Cleanliness is not next to godliness. It isn’t even in the same neighborhood. No one has ever gotten a religious experience out of removing burned-on cheese from the grill of the toaster oven.
ERMA BOMBECK