Housework is a treadmill from futility to oblivion with stop-offs at tedium and counter productivity.
ERMA BOMBECKCats invented self-esteem.
More Erma Bombeck Quotes
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My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.
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Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
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When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they’re finished, I climb out.
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Don’t confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other.
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I’ve exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars.
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People usually survive their illnesses, but the paper work eventually does them in. Filing a claim for insurance is terminal.
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Cats invented self-esteem.
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Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving.
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I haven’t trusted polls since I read that 62% of women had affairs during their lunch hour. I’ve never met a woman in my life who would give up lunch for sex.
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Every puppy should have a boy.
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When you look like your passport photo, it’s time to go home.
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Friends are “annuals” that need seasonal nurturing to bear blossoms. Family is a “perennial” that comes up year after year, enduring the droughts of absence and neglect. There’s a place in the garden for both of them.
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A grandmother pretends she doesn’t know who you are on Halloween.
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How come anything you buy will go on sale next week?
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Have you any idea how many children it takes to turn off one light in the kitchen Three. It takes one to say What light and two more to say I didn’t turn it on.
ERMA BOMBECK