As a child, my number one best friend was the librarian in my grade school. I actually believed all those books belonged to her.
ERMA BOMBECKCats invented self-esteem.
More Erma Bombeck Quotes
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Never have more children than you have car windows.
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Encourage independence in your children by regularly losing them in the supermarket.
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People usually survive their illnesses, but the paper work eventually does them in. Filing a claim for insurance is terminal.
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For years, my husband and I have advocated separate vacations. But the kids keep finding us.
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It is my theory you can’t get rid of fat. All you can do is move it around, like furniture.
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He who laughs lasts.
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If you can’t make it better, you can laugh at it.
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One thing they never tell you about child raising is that for the rest of your life, at the drop of a hat, you are expected to know your child’s name and how old he or she is.
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Onion rings in the car cushions do not improve with time.
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Housework, if it is done properly, can cause brain damage.
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I got to thinking one day about all those women on the Titanic who passed up dessert at dinner that fateful night.
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No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed.
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Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
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I read one psychologist’s theory that said, “Never strike a child in your anger.” When could I strike him? When he is kissing me on my birthday? When he’s recuperating from measles? Do I slap the Bible out of his hand on Sunday?
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Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving.
ERMA BOMBECK