Children make your life important.
ERMA BOMBECKCats invented self-esteem.
More Erma Bombeck Quotes
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Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving.
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Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence.
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It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else.
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Every puppy should have a boy.
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Good kids are like sunsets. We take them for granted. Every evening they disappear. Most parents never imagine how hard they try to please us, and how miserable they feel when they think they have failed.
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Friends are “annuals” that need seasonal nurturing to bear blossoms. Family is a “perennial” that comes up year after year, enduring the droughts of absence and neglect. There’s a place in the garden for both of them.
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People usually survive their illnesses, but the paper work eventually does them in. Filing a claim for insurance is terminal.
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I worry about scientists discovering that lettuce has been fattening all along.
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Don’t confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other.
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Laughter rises out of tragedy when you need it the most, and rewards you for your courage.
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Onion rings in the car cushions do not improve with time.
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I never leaf through a copy of National Geographic without realizing how lucky we are to live in a society where it is traditional to wear clothes.
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My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car.
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Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
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I read one psychologist’s theory that said, “Never strike a child in your anger.” When could I strike him? When he is kissing me on my birthday? When he’s recuperating from measles? Do I slap the Bible out of his hand on Sunday?
ERMA BOMBECK