How come anything you buy will go on sale next week?
ERMA BOMBECKCats invented self-esteem.
More Erma Bombeck Quotes
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If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.
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As a child, my number one best friend was the librarian in my grade school. I actually believed all those books belonged to her.
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Onion rings in the car cushions do not improve with time.
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Volunteers are the only human beings on the face of the earth who reflect this nation’s compassion, unselfish caring, patience, and just plain love for one another.
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My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car.
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A grandmother pretends she doesn’t know who you are on Halloween.
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Once you see the drivers in Indonesia you understand why religion plays such a part in their lives.
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If I had my life to live over, instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I’d have cherished ever moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.
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My theory on housework is, if the item doesn’t multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares. Why should you?
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No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed.
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Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the ‘Titanic’ who waved off the dessert cart.
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Success is outliving your failures.
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Housework is a treadmill from futility to oblivion with stop-offs at tedium and counter productivity.
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I haven’t trusted polls since I read that 62% of women had affairs during their lunch hour. I’ve never met a woman in my life who would give up lunch for sex.
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A member of the committee slapped a name tag over my left bosom. “What shall we name the other one?” I smiled. She was not amused.
ERMA BOMBECK