Vice is nice, but liquor is quicker.
DOROTHY PARKERThe only useful thing I ever learned in school was that if you spit on your eraser it erased ink.
More Dorothy Parker Quotes
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I’m not a writer with a drinking problem, I’m a drinker with a writing problem.
DOROTHY PARKER -
Those who have mastered etiquette, who are entirely, impeccably right, would seem to arrive at a point of exquisite dullness.
DOROTHY PARKER -
Telegram to a friend who had just become a mother after a prolonged pregnancy: Good work, Mary. We all knew you had it in you.
DOROTHY PARKER -
If you have any young friends who aspire to become writers, the second-greatest favor you can do them is to present them with copies of The Elements of Style. The first-greatest, of course, is to shoot them now, while they’re happy.
DOROTHY PARKER -
Don’t look at me in that tone of voice.
DOROTHY PARKER -
If you wear a short enough skirt, the party will come to you.
DOROTHY PARKER -
Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both.
DOROTHY PARKER -
Of Orson Welles: It’s like meeting God without dying.
DOROTHY PARKER -
Time may be a great healer, but it’s a lousy beautician.
DOROTHY PARKER -
Should they whisper false of you, Never trouble to deny; Should the words they say be true, Weep and storm and say they lie.
DOROTHY PARKER -
The best way to avoid a hangover is to stay drunk.
DOROTHY PARKER -
But I don’t give up; I forget why not.
DOROTHY PARKER -
I can’t write five words but that I change seven.
DOROTHY PARKER -
Said after she had been seriously ill: The doctors were very brave about it.
DOROTHY PARKER -
The best way to keep children at home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant, and let the air out of the tires.
DOROTHY PARKER