I’m not a comic. I’m a humorist.
DICK GREGORYBeing white is a job in America. You take that away, you better get the soldiers out.
More Dick Gregory Quotes
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Once I realized the value of making people laugh, I got very good at it. Fast.
DICK GREGORY -
My mother was the sweetest lady who ever lived on this planet, but if you tried to tell her that Jesus wasn’t a Christian, she would stomp you to death.
DICK GREGORY -
Did you know that in New Orleans they still have brown bag parties? What’s that, you ask? You and I go to a party, and when we get to the door, there’s a brown bag hanging down from the ceiling, and if our skin is darker than the brown bag, we can’t go in.
DICK GREGORY -
Just being a Negro doesn’t qualify you to understand the race situation any more than being sick makes you an expert on medicine.
DICK GREGORY -
My belief is, you know, certain things have to be explained that’s never been explained.
DICK GREGORY -
Hell hath no fury like a liberal scorned.
DICK GREGORY -
Poor is a state of mind you never grow out of, but being broke is just a temporary condition.
DICK GREGORY -
Coconut milk is the only thing on this planet that comes identically to mother’s milk.
DICK GREGORY -
Makes you wonder. When I left St. Louis, I was making five dollars a night. Now I’m getting $5,000 a week — for saying the same things out loud I used to say under my breath.
DICK GREGORY -
Last time I was down South I walked into this restaurant, and this white waitress came up to me and said: ‘We don’t serve colored people here.’ I said: ‘that’s all right, I don’t eat colored people. Bring me a whole fried chicken.
DICK GREGORY -
I never learned hate at home, or shame. I had to go to school for that.
DICK GREGORY -
Political promises are much like marriage vows. They are made at the beginning of the relationship between candidate and voter, but are quickly forgotten.
DICK GREGORY -
When I was a boy, I was taught never to use insulting expressions like, ‘I’ve been gypped,’ or, ‘He welshed on the deal.’
DICK GREGORY -
I tell people, ‘If you want to send a message to the White House, call my house.’
DICK GREGORY -
I believe young voters will either vote for Obama or not vote at all. So the problem is not Obama the problem is the system. If you think about how mess up this country is, most folk really don’t have choices.
DICK GREGORY