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I only take a drink on two occasions – when I’m thirsty and when I’m not.

Brendan Behan

It is a good deed to forget a poor joke
BRENDAN BEHAN

Deeds Forget Poor
I am married to Beatrice Salkeld, a painter. We have no children, except me.
BRENDAN BEHAN

Children Married Painter
There is no human situation so miserable that it cannot be made worse by the presence of a policeman.
BRENDAN BEHAN

Made Miserable Situation
Most horror movies are certainly that.
BRENDAN BEHAN

Cinema Horror Most
What the hell difference does it make, left or right? There were good men lost on both sides.
BRENDAN BEHAN

Differences History Men
Critics are like eunuchs; they can tell you what to do, but they can’t do it themselves!
BRENDAN BEHAN

Critics Eunuchs Themselves
I was court-martialled in my absence, and sentenced to death in my absence, so I said they could shoot me in my absence.
BRENDAN BEHAN

Country Dublin Irish Life People
Many a man has decided to stay alive not because of the will to live but because of the determination not to give assorted surviving bastards the satisfaction of his death.
BRENDAN BEHAN

Determination Men Suicide
Other people have a nationality. The Irish and the Jews have a psychosis.
BRENDAN BEHAN

Country Inspirational Irish People Psychosis
A man is fortunate if he encounters living examples of vice, as well as of virtue, to inspire him.
BRENDAN BEHAN

Inspire Men Role Models
I saw a notice that said “Drink Canada Dry” and I’ve just started.
BRENDAN BEHAN

Beer Drinking Food
There’s no bad publicity except an obituary.
BRENDAN BEHAN

Bad Obituary Publicity
He was born an Englishman and remained one for years.
BRENDAN BEHAN

Born Country Irish People Years
You made one mistake. You married me.
BRENDAN BEHAN

Cynical Married Mistake
A pedestrian ought to be legally allowed to toss at least one hand grenade at a motorist every day.
BRENDAN BEHAN

Hands Life Modern Toss
When I’m talking to people I like to stop and quote myself. My quotes have a way of spicing up conversation.
BRENDAN BEHAN

People Talking Way

I only take a drink on two occasions – when I’m thirsty and when I’m not.

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I only take a drink on two occasions – when I’m thirsty and when I’m not.

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