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I’m a believer that when one door closes another one opens. But why does the one opening always hit me full-speed-knob-first into my nuts?

Bob Saget

If you’re a host of a video show and you’re on the cleanest show on television for eight years, people want to say, ‘Well, that’s what that person does.’ That was the dilemma for me, career-wise.
BOB SAGET

Career Eight Wise
I’d like a nice piece of salmon that’s not too pink inside and yet isn’t too dry or crisp either.
BOB SAGET

Nice Pieces Salmon
A lot of the comedians don’t even tell the joke. Like only three tell the joke, the rest of them dissect it.
BOB SAGET

Comedian Jokes Three
My father once told me, and it’s stuck with me to this day: As you walk through life, every time you fart it pushes you forward.
BOB SAGET

Fart Father Stuck
A lot of people ask me what my favorite episode of Full House was, I always tell them: it was the last one!
BOB SAGET

House Lasts People
I’m doing 5000 seat theaters and audiences are going nuts, it’s fantastic and it makes me very happy. I’m dirty, but not like this; I just do comedy that I find funny. I’m working on a new tv show for cable and it’s not set up yet.
BOB SAGET

Comedy Dirty Nuts Show Shows Television
It’s a new day: Full of promise and love. The only thing that can take away that great feeling is – reading the news or speaking to people.
BOB SAGET

Day New People Reading
Ladies, apologies, but isn’t ‘vintage’ just used stuff?
BOB SAGET

Apology Stuff Vintage
I think comedy is on an organic upsurge right now because when I started, it was 1978 at The Comedy Store and Letterman had just stopped emceeing his morning show.
BOB SAGET

Comedy Morning Thinking
If you don’t wake up every day happy, change something.
BOB SAGET

Change Something Things Wake
At the end of the day it’s the end of the day.
BOB SAGET

Day End Over Time
I love my mom! You can too for $12!
BOB SAGET

Affection Emotion Love Mom
Most people argue over who’s right, not about what the truth is.
BOB SAGET

Arguing People Truth
I just had a pedicure. My feet are soft like a baby’s behind. If his ass was covered in calluses.
BOB SAGET

Baby Feet Pedicures
There are no I’s in we but there are two i’s in Wii.
BOB SAGET

Country People Two Wii
It’s okay to get stoned, as long as its not by other people.
BOB SAGET

Long Okay People

I’m a believer that when one door closes another one opens. But why does the one opening always hit me full-speed-knob-first into my nuts?

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I’m a believer that when one door closes another one opens. But why does the one opening always hit me full-speed-knob-first into my nuts?

Related Topics

Popular Authors

More Bob Saget Quotes