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I’m a believer that when one door closes another one opens. But why does the one opening always hit me full-speed-knob-first into my nuts?

Bob Saget

Everyone I love I pay.
BOB SAGET

Everyone Love Pay
My mom told me she thinks a man in the market felt her up today. I asked, Where did he touch you? She said, On my knee, Bobby.
BOB SAGET

Mom Thinking Today Told
They say, Keep your enemies closer. But what if you live with them?
BOB SAGET

Closer Enemies Say
I am stressed because once I am flattened out so thin to be able to slide under a doorway, I may never be able to ever be unflattened so I could be regular sized again.
BOB SAGET

Doorways May Stressed Unflattered
I don’t roll like that but I’ve never been with a hooker either. Yeah, that’s good to say in an interview cause I feel bad a little because people grew up watching me and that’s a little disturbing.
BOB SAGET

Interviews Littles People
It’s a new day: Full of promise and love. The only thing that can take away that great feeling is – reading the news or speaking to people.
BOB SAGET

Day New People Reading
It’s okay to get stoned, as long as its not by other people.
BOB SAGET

Long Okay People
My favorite procrastination is to make the choice to have valuable times with human beings that I care about instead of holing myself up alone to get my work done.
BOB SAGET

Choices Done Procrastination
Think well of yourself and others will too. Unless those others are in government, banking, or show business.
BOB SAGET

Banking Government Thinking
The favorite method of vice is to diss all responsibility be work or social, go off by myself, and enjoy a good steak and a great glass of wine. Oh yeah, and my kids are there too.
BOB SAGET

Kids Responsibility Wine
Concerned we’re in a time where politicians can’t even fake sincerity. Aren’t they supposed to be good at that?
BOB SAGET

Fake Politics Sincerity
When someone you love is hurting, if it was possible, you’d want to take their pain for them. But do I really want cramps and sore boobs?
BOB SAGET

Hurt Love Pain Someone
I love my mom! You can too for $12!
BOB SAGET

Affection Emotion Love Mom
There are no I’s in we but there are two i’s in Wii.
BOB SAGET

Country People Two Wii
Words matter. Especially ones with four letters.
BOB SAGET

Four Letters Matter
I was on Entourage last week smoking a bong and making out with hookers and I did show them that before, cause it wasn’t a hard ‘r’ cause a lot of people are watching that show that they know, not my little one – she’s 12, but very sophisticated so it’s an unusual case.
BOB SAGET

Littles People Smoking

I’m a believer that when one door closes another one opens. But why does the one opening always hit me full-speed-knob-first into my nuts?

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I’m a believer that when one door closes another one opens. But why does the one opening always hit me full-speed-knob-first into my nuts?

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Popular Authors

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