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1. black
2. grey
3. blue
4. red
5. brown
6. white

I wouldn’t hurt a flea. I’d finger a spider though.

Bob Saget

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More Bob Saget Quotes

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  Ladies, apologies, but isn’t ‘vintage’ just used stuff?

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• 

  What I’ve learned about comedy people is that they’re defined by the harshest level they’ve been to, their personal Auschwitz.

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• 

  I love watching people get hit in the crotch. But only if they get back up. If their teeth are bleeding, if they’re really hurt, if an ambulance has to come, I’m not laughing.

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  The secret to raising children is to love them… And teach them to operate in a way you can tolerate them the best.

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• 

  I have a feeling I’m going to wake up one day and say ‘I can’t do dirty stuff anymore, I want to go all clean.’ I’ll do clean stuff too, I like to entertain people. Then they egged me on; we shot it at The Laugh Factory.

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• 

  I’m a believer that when one door closes another one opens. But why does the one opening always hit me full-speed-knob-first into my nuts?

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• 

  I have no plan except to take care of the people I love.

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• 

  I’m completely changing my diet. My nutritionist recommends I must now stop eating food I have already eliminated.

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• 

  What I have now are good problems of trying to decide and what I really want to do is good work next. My phone’s ringing a lot more and I’ve got nine lines so when it doesn’t ring, it’s very frustrating.

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• 

  Just went to the gym and worked on every body part. Four people slapped me.

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• 

  No one gets a free ride. Except maybe bus drivers.

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• 

  My wife is a saint. She’s Gandhi. She walks around in diapers and won’t eat.

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• 

  I think when you dissect a joke too much, you have ruined whatever there is in comedy.

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• 

  I will always prefer a hardback book, but I’m drawn to digital because it’s so easy to acquire them when I’m having a need-to-read moment.

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• 

  If you don’t wake up every day happy, change something.

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• 

  My father once told me, and it’s stuck with me to this day: As you walk through life, every time you fart it pushes you forward.

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