Drugs kill, just like cancer. So don’t smoke… tumors.
BO BURNHAMBitches and hoes don’t exist because the hoes know Bo’s a feminist.
More Bo Burnham Quotes
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For some comedians it feels so cool to be like: ‘I’ll say anything, man!’. I’m not quite there yet.
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I got a safe full of cherries ’cause I pop it and lock it.
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Do you guys like impressions? “Why?” That was Socrates.
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I work really hard on the shows and I think the shows speak for themselves. I don’t want to construct the show to prove something.
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The classic comedian says there’s nothing that’s taboo; if you laugh at one thing you’ve got to laugh at everything, that comedy is taking people to dark areas and showing them the light.
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The thing is, I was on YouTube like the golden era, I think. Before ads came in, it was really cool back then.
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There’s a metal train that a mile long and at the very back end a lightning bolt struck her. How long til it reaches and kills the driver, provided that he’s a good conductor?
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I actually wrestled in high school. I was only in one match, and I lost… my virginity.
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Women are like puzzles because prior to 1920 neither had the right to vote. Puzzles still don’t.
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I have a pretty good math mind, so I can see patterns, but I don’t have a great ear. It’s like a tragedy – I can see so much more natural musical ability in so many other people.
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I’ve been doin’ drive-bys all of my life. Except the bullets are newspapers, the car is my bike.
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I get more ass than a giant donkey stable.
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I’m bored way too easily. I’m staring at screens half the day. I need to be overstimulated. And how will that express itself artistically?
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We’re having a traditional Thanksgiving – turkey, mashed potatoes, hat buckles, smallpox, genocide, a blue corn moon, etc.
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My persona on stage was always coming from a place of I know better than you and I’m going to be a little bit pretentious in your face with these sort of crass ideas.
BO BURNHAM