I got a safe full of cherries ’cause I pop it and lock it.
BO BURNHAMEven if he is your friend, never, ever call an Asian person.
More Bo Burnham Quotes
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I love you just the way you are but you don’t see you like I do. You shouldn’t try so hard to be perfect. Trust me, perfect should try to be you.
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People give me money and I don’t know why, my real collection plate is an empty cup held by a homeless guy.
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I’m a stand up comic and I always sit and slouch, and I got my girlfriend pregnant on my sterile uncles pull-out couch.
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All you god damn dirty Catholics can cath-o-lick my balls.
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Bitches and hoes don’t exist because the hoes know Bo’s a feminist.
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Was Einstein’s theory good? Relatively.
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I’m not a grown up until everybody realises I’m a grown up. When everyone remembers me as the dirty kid singing little songs I am the dirty little kid.
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I love you like a gay geneticist loves designer genes.
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When things [writing] are over, I always think, ‘well, I’m never going to do anything again because I have no ideas so I’m going to go be a farmer’. Or else ideas will come and and if not then I become a farmer. Hopefully won’t happen.
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I’m interested in taboos for certain reasons. They can dramatise things and they’re scary, and they’re important to think about.
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When I see someone filming me, I don’t usually think, ‘No, man, don’t put this up online!’ I’d think, ‘Hey man, you don’t get to go to shows very often, put down the camera and enjoy it!’ I love going to theatre and to shows so much.
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I never said I was funny, OK, so stop staring at me.
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If your belief is hateful towards people, I couldn’t respect that.
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Then the challenge is, once you left brain it and build it, then when you’re on stage you have to know it so well that you can get lost in it. I don’t want to be onstage looking like a robot,
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I don’t need anything as long as I have my family, friends, millions of dollars, unlimited pussy.
BO BURNHAM