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I actually wrestled in high school. I was only in one match, and I lost… my virginity.

Bo Burnham

If I had a dime for every time a homeless guy asked me for change, I’d still say no.
BO BURNHAM

Funny Guy Humor
If Jesus can walk on water, can he swim on land?
BO BURNHAM

Jesus Land Water
The strength of comedy is I don’t have to answer to anybody but sometimes you want to learn from other people and see your ideas strengthen by other people.
BO BURNHAM

Answers Ideas People
People do complain about the way I act on stage… They think on stage I act too arrogant, too self-obsessed, solecistic, self-contained, synonyms.
BO BURNHAM

People Self Thinking
I like to inject a bit of production value and flair to comedy, or at least to my little corner of comedy.
BO BURNHAM

Comedy Inject Like Production
I don’t need anything as long as I have my family, friends, millions of dollars, unlimited pussy.
BO BURNHAM

Dollars Long Pussy
I love you just the way you are but you don’t see you like I do. You shouldn’t try so hard to be perfect. Trust me, perfect should try to be you.
BO BURNHAM

Love Perfect Trying You
The world doesn’t need any more hot chicks or tough guys or smooth talkers – the world needs more you. And don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
BO BURNHAM

Anyone Otherwise Smooth Talker Tell
When life gets you down, make a comforter!
BO BURNHAM

Comforter Funny Humor
Where are all the sour patch parents?
BO BURNHAM

Funny Humor Parent
I’d really love to make something that doesn’t involve my stupid face.
BO BURNHAM

Faces Something Stupid
If comedy is about surprises, about tension, there’s a lot of tension and surprise there, in the fact that people are expecting this to be natural.
BO BURNHAM

Comedy Facts People
I got a safe full of cherries ’cause I pop it and lock it.
BO BURNHAM

Funny Humor Locks Safe
Women are like fingers and toes because they’re easy to count on.
BO BURNHAM

Funny Humor Toes Women
For me, if you distill comedy down, it is surprise and the unexpected. That has to be it on its most base level, in any form.
BO BURNHAM

Comedy Levels Unexpected
I remember being superyoung, like nine or ten years old, and thinking, ‘Man, I wonder what famous people eat for breakfast.
BO BURNHAM

Cereal Men Remember Thinking

I actually wrestled in high school. I was only in one match, and I lost… my virginity.

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I actually wrestled in high school. I was only in one match, and I lost… my virginity.

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Popular Authors

More Bo Burnham Quotes