Women need a reason to have sex, men just need a place.
BILLY CRYSTALBambi, to a kid, was scary.
More Billy Crystal Quotes
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I was introducing [director and producer] Hal Roach – Mr. Roach was 100 years old, he was one of the fathers of early days in films, he put Laurel with Hardy, he created the Our Gang kids, and all these silent movies he did – he was a giant.
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Nothing can take the sting out of the world’s economic problems like watching millionaires present each other with golden statues.
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[I did impressions] of relatives because I heard so many different sounds. My dad was in the music business and of course my uncle was a giant [music producer], but my dad in particular had the house filled with these Dixieland jazz stars.
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At some point I stopped stand-up because I didn’t have something to say on a nightly basis.
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You have to really respect what your kids are doing with their kids and how they’re raising them. You can’t push your way into areas where you shouldn’t be saying anything.
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I’m married – I’ve caught my limit.
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We were in front of a live audience and I would be acting with the man who was playing my lover, and we used those words, and the audience would titter and laugh, and make me uncomfortable doing the scenes. …
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By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he’s too old to go anywhere.
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Good news, they found Nemo! The bad news is, they found him in one of Wolfgang Puck’s puff pastries.
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I’m going to go on just living and laughing and loving.
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I’m a sucker for a free tuxedo.
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I’ve always thought that the key to a good sex life is variety. That’s why God gave me two hands. Humans love sex, we need sex, it’s how we connect, it reminds us we’re alive, it’s the third most basic human need, after food and good movie popcorn.
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My grandparents invented joylessness. They were not fun. I’ve already had more fun with my grandchildren than my grandparents ever had with me.
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I have 40-something intros [that Davis Jr. did]; all are different, none of them happened. And it was hilarious.
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It’s money. I remember it from when I was single
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