I don’t like heights. This is why I stopped growing at fifth grade.
BILLY CRYSTALI can’t be funny if my feet don’t feel right.
More Billy Crystal Quotes
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You have to really respect what your kids are doing with their kids and how they’re raising them. You can’t push your way into areas where you shouldn’t be saying anything.
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I started examining history and then everything related to the theater. History, art, all the other studies, if I could link them into the theater, then it became alive for me. It just opened up my eyes.
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Even when I was in school shows, in elementary school doing plays, I’d always go off book and start improvising.
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If you do something for the first time, you will always remember it. If your Dad has something to do with it, you write about it.
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When you realize you want to invest the rest of your lifestyle with somebody, you want the rest of your life to commence as quickly as achievable.
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I’d like to think there is a Heaven, and it starts from the happiest day in your life.
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Good news, they found Nemo! The bad news is, they found him in one of Wolfgang Puck’s puff pastries.
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Well, the way things are going, aside from wheat and auto parts, America’s biggest export is now the Oscar.
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My grandparents invented joylessness. They were not fun. I’ve already had more fun with my grandchildren than my grandparents ever had with me.
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I’m going to go on just living and laughing and loving.
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Change is such hard work.
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What’s so fascinating and frustrating and great about life is that you’re constantly starting over, all the time, and I love that.
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Women need a reason to have sex, men just need a place.
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I had really good hearing and when you’re scared it gets heightened so you hear scratching noises or something.
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There’s a big difference between mostly dead and all dead. Mostly dead is slightly alive. With all dead, well, with all dead there’s usually only one thing you can do. Go through his clothes and look for loose change.
BILLY CRYSTAL