In high school, I was the class comedian as opposed to the class clown. The difference is the class clown is the guy who drops his pants at the football game, the class comedian is the guy who talked him into it.
BILLY CRYSTALIn high school, I was the class comedian as opposed to the class clown. The difference is the class clown is the guy who drops his pants at the football game, the class comedian is the guy who talked him into it.
BILLY CRYSTALMy grandparents invented joylessness. They were not fun. I’ve already had more fun with my grandchildren than my grandparents ever had with me.
BILLY CRYSTALWhen you realize you want to invest the rest of your lifestyle with somebody, you want the rest of your life to commence as quickly as achievable.
BILLY CRYSTALWell, the way things are going, aside from wheat and auto parts, America’s biggest export is now the Oscar.
BILLY CRYSTALAt some point I stopped stand-up because I didn’t have something to say on a nightly basis.
BILLY CRYSTALThat’s the thing about jazz: it’s free flowing, it comes from your soul.
BILLY CRYSTALNobody is more truthful when he’s acting than De Niro.
BILLY CRYSTALNothing can take the sting out of the world’s economic problems like watching millionaires present each other with golden statues.
BILLY CRYSTALThere’s a big difference between mostly dead and all dead. Mostly dead is slightly alive. With all dead, well, with all dead there’s usually only one thing you can do. Go through his clothes and look for loose change.
BILLY CRYSTALBy the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he’s too old to go anywhere.
BILLY CRYSTALA laugh is a weird sound, and when you get a couple thousand people making it at once, it’s really strange. But when I can feel proud of myself for causing it, it’s great.
BILLY CRYSTALI never stopped believing in us and I never felt like I was wanting for anything, except for my father, and that was not going to be. I describe in the book [that] I don’t think I ever felt young again in that way.
BILLY CRYSTALYou really have to have some muscle to be on the stage in front of the world.
BILLY CRYSTALI have 40-something intros [that Davis Jr. did]; all are different, none of them happened. And it was hilarious.
BILLY CRYSTALDon’t give up your power.
BILLY CRYSTALI’d like to think there is a Heaven, and it starts from the happiest day in your life.
BILLY CRYSTAL