I’m a sucker for a free tuxedo.
BILLY CRYSTALThe Passion of the Christ opened up on Ash Wednesday, had a Good Friday.
More Billy Crystal Quotes
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Whoo-hoo-hoo, look who knows so much. It just so happens that your friend here is only MOSTLY dead.
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There’s only, I think, in life, three things that I do pretty well: Performing, I still can field ground balls, and I make nice kids.
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What’s so fascinating and frustrating and great about life is that you’re constantly starting over, all the time, and I love that.
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My grandparents invented joylessness. They were not fun. I’ve already had more fun with my grandchildren than my grandparents ever had with me.
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I always came away thinking “I’d like to see her more,” you know? And then when [Parental Guidance] was ready to be cast, we thought – Bette [Midler]. So we called her.
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I don’t like heights. This is why I stopped growing at fifth grade.
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The inspiration was this great group of 40 or 50 relatives, sometimes for Thanksgiving or Passover or something and my brothers would just go up and make them laugh.
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Women need a reason to have sex, men just need a place.
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At some point I stopped stand-up because I didn’t have something to say on a nightly basis.
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In high school, I was the class comedian as opposed to the class clown. The difference is the class clown is the guy who drops his pants at the football game, the class comedian is the guy who talked him into it.
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Kids need a happy household. They need to be loved and supported in their dreams. And I don’t think you can make your kids’ dreams your own. They need you to support them in their dreams.
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From the first time I saw Sid Caesar be funny I knew that’s what I had to do.
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Even when I was in school shows, in elementary school doing plays, I’d always go off book and start improvising.
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I never stopped believing in us and I never felt like I was wanting for anything, except for my father, and that was not going to be. I describe in the book [that] I don’t think I ever felt young again in that way.
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Nothing can take the sting out of the world’s economic problems like watching millionaires present each other with golden statues.
BILLY CRYSTAL






