I hate those earnest TV documentaries that are the world according to people with glasses who know better than you.
BILLY CONNOLLYI’d never consciously left home to see a zombie movie. They were fine by me, but I had no intention of ever being in one. But I’ve been learning more about it as I’ve been doing interviews. I
More Billy Connolly Quotes
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I don’t understand art-speak. My pictures are big doodles. I’m amazed what people come up with when they look at them.
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I think age is terribly overrated. You’re okay as long as you don’t grow up. By all means grow old, but don’t mature. Remain childlike, retain wonder, the ability to be flabbergasted by something.
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Once you become successful, people know where you live, the type of house you live in, the kind of car you drive, the clothes you wear, and so it would be patronising to go and talk like a welder. Welding’s a mystery to me now. You can’t go back, your life changes every day.
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A well-balanced person has a drink in each hand.
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Who discovered we could get milk from cows, and what did he think he was doing at the time?
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When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks, “Has the bus come yet?”. If the bus came would I be standing here?
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Whenever I wear something expensive it looks stolen.
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I don’t aim to offend.
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I loathe hecklers. I haven’t got a good syllable to say. When you come out of the club circuit and into the concert hall, they should be gone.
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I used to be a folk singer, but I was… dreadful. I had a voice like a goose farting in the fog.
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The more you know the less the better.
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Learn to feel sorry for music because, although it is the international language, it has no swear words.
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People who announce they are going to the toilet. Thanks that’s an image I really didn’t need.
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Don’t tell me how to do my job. I don’t come to your workplace and tell you how to sweep up.
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American sex shops are the most bizarre. They sell these inflatable dolls, but they also sell just the head — supposedly for people to drive along the highway with.
BILLY CONNOLLY