I decided to stop drinking while it was still my idea.
BILLY CONNOLLYI set out to be a cross between Lenny Bruce and Robert the Bruce.
More Billy Connolly Quotes
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A lot of people are too easily offended. Religious people, for instance. They’ve been offending other people for centuries.
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It seems to me that Islam and Christianity and Judaism all have the same god, and he’s telling them all different things.
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I can’t believe in Christianity, but I think Jesus was a wonderful teacher.
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Outgrew the media… The negativity felt like a disease.
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I don’t believe in angels and I have trouble with the whole God thing. I don’t want to say I don’t believe in God, but I don’t think I do. But I believe in people who do.
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My advice to you, if you want to lose a bit of weight: don’t eat anything that comes in a bucket. Buckets are the kitchen utensils of the farmyard.
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didn’t even know there were specialist zombie magazines and clubs. I heard the other day that a radio station had asked people if they`d made preparations for an attack by zombies, and a staggering number of people replied yes!
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When you involved in an accident and someone asks “are you alright?” Yes fine thanks, I’ll just pick up my limbs and be off.
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I’ve always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.
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I hate those earnest TV documentaries that are the world according to people with glasses who know better than you.
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Chic Murray once told me he fell in the street, and a woman said to him, “Did you fall?” He said, “No, I’m tryin’ to break a bar of chocolate in my back pocket.”
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When I read ‘Be real, don’t get caught acting,’ I thought, ‘How the hell do you do that?’.
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I just believe in the movie. I don’t care what the book was like. I don’t care what the previous film was like or other films were like. I care only about the script I’ve got.
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The only time I would like to see was the 20s and 30s in America because I love the music and the style and the optimism, I wanted to see New York being built. I wanted to see all that, you know.
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Who discovered we could get milk from cows, and what did he think he was doing at the time?
BILLY CONNOLLY