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Did your mother never tell you not to drink on an empty head?

Billy Connolly

I spent the whole time battering people I liked and singing with my arm round people I loathed.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Arms Loathed People Singing Single
I love Los Angeles. It reinvents itself every two days.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Country Days Reinvents Two
My parents used to take me to the pet department and tell me it was a zoo.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Department Parent Pet Zoos
I think of my life as a series of moments and I’ve found that the great moments often don’t have too much to them.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Huge Love Simply Thinking You
A lot of people are too easily offended. Religious people, for instance. They’ve been offending other people for centuries.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Offending People Religious
I’m a citizen of the world. I like it that way. The world’s a wonderful. I just think that some people are pretty badly represented. But when you speak to the people themselves they’re delightful. They all want so little.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Citizens People Represented Thinking
Wisdom isn’t an old guy on top of a mountain in a loin cloth. It isn’t an answer. It’s a question.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Answers Guy Mountain
I’ve always been fascinated by the difference between the jokes you can tell your friends but you can’t tell to an audience.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Audience Differences Offended People You
People who announce they are going to the toilet. Thanks that’s an image I really didn’t need.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Needs People Toilet
I always look skint. When I buy a Big Issue, people take it out of my hand and give me a pound.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Hands Issues People Pound
Once you become successful, people know where you live, the type of house you live in, the kind of car you drive, the clothes you wear, and so it would be patronising to go and talk like a welder. Welding’s a mystery to me now. You can’t go back, your life changes every day.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Become Changing Clothes Life Successful
I’ve been a poser for f–ing years. I say, pose your arse off. You know, have a laugh.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Arses Laughing Pose Say Years
If Jesus was a Jew, how come he has a Mexican first name?
BILLY CONNOLLY

Funny Humor Jesus
There’s one of a figure with two heads that somebody thought must be a comment on the state of matrimony. None of it is a comment on anything.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Anything Comment Figure Matrimony
The world needs more Edwin Morgans, people who can take the language and swing it round their heads and don’t care what you think.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Needs People Round Swings Thinking
I’m a huge film star… but you have to hurry to the movies, because I usually die in the first 15 f–ing minutes. I’m the only guy I know who died in a f–ing Muppet movie.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Firsts Guy Minute Movie Stars

Did your mother never tell you not to drink on an empty head?

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Did your mother never tell you not to drink on an empty head?

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