The more you know the less the better.
BILLY CONNOLLYDid your mother never tell you not to drink on an empty head?
More Billy Connolly Quotes
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My parents used to take me to the pet department and tell me it was a zoo.
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I set out to be a cross between Lenny Bruce and Robert the Bruce – my main thrust was the body and its functions and malfunctions – the absurdity of the thing.
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Don’t tell me how to do my job. I don’t come to your workplace and tell you how to sweep up.
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When I read ‘Be real, don’t get caught acting,’ I thought, ‘How the hell do you do that?’.
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A well-balanced person has a drink in each hand.
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I think the longer Britain is in Europe the better.
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People who are willing to get off their arse to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.
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The religion in Scotland is one of the most patronising things… after the weather.
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Scotland has the only football team in the world that does a lap of disgrace.
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The only time I would like to see was the 20s and 30s in America because I love the music and the style and the optimism, I wanted to see New York being built. I wanted to see all that, you know.
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There’s an element of manners that should tell you that the ticket is dear and it’s a different venue.
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Who discovered we could get milk from cows, and what did he think he was doing at the time?
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I’ve always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.
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I hate those earnest TV documentaries that are the world according to people with glasses who know better than you.
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Wisdom isn’t an old guy on top of a mountain in a loin cloth. It isn’t an answer. It’s a question.
BILLY CONNOLLY